So, yes, it could be that Beth was just in a happy mood, he thought. But again, this was a particularly jubilant one, and the giddiness certainly suggested more. She hadn’t looked this happy in quite some time, and Danny knew that the last time he’d seen Beth so flushed and giddy he had inspired it. He tried to think back. Probably that time they were in Charleston a couple of years back, when she convinced him to do that thing fromThe Notebook.
Beth had coaxed Danny into re-enacting the famous movie kiss.It had been kind of embarrassing at the time but she’d been so eager to try it, and so thrilled afterwards that it was impossible not to join in. There was a picture of it somewhere, Beth in Danny’s arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as they joined their lips, the camera’s self-timer coming into play, as they couldn’t quite brave asking a stranger to take part in such an intimate moment. Of course, it wasn’t raining and she had been nowhere as graceful as the girl in the movie, but it had been good fun…
Or maybe it had been when they’d rented a sailboat and took it out on the river last summer?
No matter, deep down Danny knew one thing: the last time Beth had looked as if she was walking on air with happiness it had been because of something he had done.
He shook his head out of frustration when he realised that Beth had been speaking. He was completely distracted, his thoughts going a mile a minute. ‘Sorry, what was that?’ he asked.
She raised an eyebrow. ‘You OK? I just asked if you wanted a glass of wine before dinner.’
‘Yes. I mean no. I mean, yes, I’m OK. And no, I don’t want a glass of wine before or with dinner actually,’ he replied absently, as he tried to wrap his head around all this.
Suddenly, Danny felt a tightening sensation in his chest as if a boa constrictor was wrapping itself around his body, squeezing the life out of him. He had confessed as much to Adele earlier, that he didn’t know how much longer he could go on living a lie. He knew that coming clean to Beth was exactly what Adele wanted, what she’d been telling him to do right from the start, but to her credit, she didn’t push it. And he certainly wasn’t going to come clean tonight, and bring Beth’s happy world crashing down – not when she was in such a great mood. She didn’t deserve that; didn’t deserve any of this, not when all she’d ever done was love him so completely, and never wanted anything in return.
Right then Danny felt nauseous.
Beth took a sip of wine out of the glass that she had poured for herself. ‘I was going to make spaghetti. I thought that since you’re home earlier tonight, maybe we should do something nicer for dinner. A bottle of wine, some pasta, and move the table over to the window? Watch the Freedom Tower and all the lights. After all, we have a skyline view that people would pay good money for in a restaurant. Then afterwards, if we have time, we could put up the tree…’ She smiled encouragingly, but Danny’s mind was elsewhere. He’d barely heard a word she’d said.
‘Right,’ he murmured distractedly, his mind racing. ‘Ah… why don’t you go ahead without me. I have some work to finish up; I’ll probably be a while.’
He turned away from Beth, lost in his own guilt, and didn’t see the crestfallen look that swept across her face.
‘OK. Maybe I’ll just have it in front of the TV then,’ Beth replied, her good mood instantly deflated. ‘And the Christmas tree can wait till another time…’
Chapter 5
For the next few days Beth felt as if she was on high alert, looking, watching, keeping her eyes peeled around the store. She felt giddy like a schoolgirl – and a bit idiotic in the process – but while she loved Danny deeply (despite the rough patch they seemed to be going through lately), she had to admit she was enjoying this… flirtation of sorts with Ryan.
She knew that she shouldn’t feel this way – that she shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea of liking the attention – but the attentionwasnice. And that’s all it was, she told herself, she was just enjoying the unique glow that came with being made to feel special. It was harmless fun, that was all.
She supposed her current state of mind also came down to the fact that she was feeling a little ignored elsewhere. Danny’s rebuff of her efforts a few nights before had really hurt. She had tried to do something nice, cook them dinner, spend some time just relaxing together after a rough few weeks. And his response? That it would be better for her to eat alone. That he hadworkto do. Again.
So that’s what Beth had done. She had sat alone on the sofa and eaten by herself, watching the TV instead of the city lights. Though technically not alone. Rather, she had eaten the pasta while Brinkley drooled and begged for titbits alongside her.
Danny didn’t emerge from the confines of his office for the rest of the evening, and she had gone to bed before him.
Then this morning, when she woke, she discovered he had already left for work. She couldn’t deny that the thought of something being truly wrong with their partnership scared her. But at the same time, what was she supposed to do? And just where exactly was their future headed if they continued on this course, with Danny being so remote and absent? Certainly nowhere near…
Beth felt her brow furrow at the thought, and realised that her subconscious was leading her to say that word – a word that she and Danny so rarely uttered that it seemed like some form of taboo.Marriage. And why didn’t they mention it very often, she wondered now – or, indeed, atall?
Beth knew why. And much of the onus fell on her. When all of their friends had, over the years, coupled off and subsequently gone down the aisle, Danny had said that he just wasn’t interested in get married for the sake of it. Beth had just gone along with this at the time because in a way she agreed with him. It seemed there was a lot of engagement and wedding competitiveness amongst those same friends, so much so that the commitment they were supposed to be making seemed buried in the madness. Danny was right: the real romance was in the commitment, not the wedding, and she felt proud and happy that they were on exactly the same wavelength in that regard.
But much further down the line, years later, whenever the question came up amongst those now (mostly unhappily) married friends as to why Beth and Danny hadn’t taken the plunge, the discussion seemed to cause discomfort and friction. So they began avoiding the conversation altogether.
While it hadn’t bothered her before, Beth realised that it was starting to bother her a lot now. It was what people in love did, wasn’t it?
She knew that she and Danny had taken a step in the right direction that time in Venice, when they’d privately and symbolically locked their love on the bridge, supposedly for a lifetime.
But surely after so many years, instead of ducking and diving the issue, the next step was to publicly commit to spending the rest of their lives together; and proclaim to the world that this was the person they each wanted to be with, forsaking all others.
As if on cue, Beth spied Ryan passing through the main promenade of the store, on his way to the men’s section. She smiled as she noticed him scoping out the shoe department; clearly he was looking for her. So while it seemed that Ryan had taken the news that Beth was already attached into consideration, it evidently didn’t stop him being so friendly.
‘What are you doing wandering around by ladies’ shoes?’ she teased, as he crossed the floor to approach her. ‘I’m beginning to think you might have a fetish.’
Ryan laughed and his emerald-green eyes danced. ‘What? You think I like to parade after hours around my place in a pair of five-inch platforms?’
Beth looked him up and down. ‘Somehow I don’t see you in platforms. You’re already tall. Platforms are just for shorties like me who need a leg up.’ She did a little, lady-like jump. ‘I see you more as a strappy sandal kind of guy.’
