I need to keep pretending it never happened so I can carry on with my desolate existence. It was a mirage, a stolen night. Period.
With every passing day, the man I gave my virginity to slips into a fantasy my starved heart conjured, where he swept me to another realm.
She sits next to me on my bed and pats my hand. “It’s going to be all right.”
A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. I wish I were that confident, but if my indiscretion comes out, I am screwed. At the thought, a shudder skitters down my back, chilling me. My parents’ image flashes before my eyes. The disappointment it will cause them if they find out their good girl has gone bad.
“You need a break,” she says, standing up.
Walking to her desk, she pulls out the drawer, plucking something out. Keys dangle from her fingers, and a mischievous grin teases her mouth. She throws the bundle my way, and I catch it midair.
“It’s my brother’s beach house. He won’t mind. He’s too busy to enjoy it.”
I’ve never met him, adding to the secrecy surrounding her family. I agreed to the no-family-questions rule, even less eager to talk about mine.
The weight of the keys presses into my palm with the possibility of a scenery change. Maybe a small break will help. Anything to escape this funk.
“I don’t know…”
My mystery man has not only been a distraction threatening my hard work, but I can’t afford my parents noticing the smallest change.
“It’s way better than moping around.”
I sigh, the sound ringing with dejection. “I’m not.”
“Sure.” She waves me off. “Trust me. You’ll love this place.”
“And your brother won’t mind?” I ask, not wanting to cause her trouble.
“He has no time to relax, so he’s there only when we meet,” she says, worry clear in her voice.
They have a monthly getaway. He never comes to visit her. I don’t even know his name.
“Sure sure?”
She gives me an intense look, eliciting a grin.
Now, I just have to make sure no one checks on me over the weekend. Some time at the beach is exactly what I need to get over him.
“Thank you. You’re the best,” I say, jumping from the bed to hug her.
As she gets ready to meet her forbidden love, I call Dario.
My heart rate spikes up, nerves getting the best of me. The underboss of the Family is my friend. He was also the only other guy I kissed when I was seventeen, giving in to an impulse based on sheer recklessness and a desire to feel something.
“Hi, Viv,” he says, picking up after three rings.
He’s come a long way from being a rebellious guy to a reputable made man. Losing what he could have been instead saddens me. He’s a killer who takes what he wants, does whatever he wishes. I think we kissed because we knew everything would shift in our future. We would be different, changing under the pressure of our responsibilities.
Even though we never talked about the kiss, on a subconscious level, we knew. Maybe that’s why we hold on to our friendship, upholding a time when we were unsullied by the Mafia world.
“I need a weekend to myself.”
“You study too much.”
Let him believe that. Except Evie, no one knows I completely lost my mind. Even though I trust him, until I don’t need his help, he doesn’t need details.
“It’s just….” I don’t have to tell him the reason, a shot of guilt infusing my bloodstream.
