“We have each other,” I say, and she brings her pinkie to intertwine with mine.
“We have each other. Always.”
And when the first yawn rolls into the second, we go upstairs.
In this bed, he made me feel things I didn’t even think possible.
My thighs clench just thinking about him taking me, sleeping inside of me, waking me up occasionally as he drives in and out of me.
I miss the comfort it brought me, the closeness where I wouldn’t know where I begin and he ends.
It’s bad when he’s near me; it’s infinitely worse when he’s away.
Other thoughts cram inside. Thoughts I shouldn’t even consider. What if something happens to him?
I toss and turn in bed and, without thinking, I call him, needing to hear his voice, subdued by this weakness of assuring myself he’s alive.
He answers at the end of the first ring.“Mo run, is everything all right?”
I open my mouth to ask him not to call me that, but that endearment bridges the gap between us, and I need it to stay in place until I am ready to cross it.
The confession tears from my throat. “I’m in our bed. Can’t sleep. Actually, I know when you’re not there and I can’t sleep either.”
“I can be there by sunrise,” he says, tone urgent.
“No, it’s girls’ weekend,” I sigh, aware that in my weak state, I’ll give in to my desire and forget the reason it’s imperative to heal first.
“Fuck girls’ weekend. If you need me, I’ll be there.”
Wholeheartedly believing him, my inner turmoil eases.
“How was poker night?”
“I won.”
I giggle. “Of course you did. You always win.”
“No, not always,” he says, but the message underneath it is clear. He’s talking about me.
Patting the covers, I inhale a deep breath to fortify myself. “I owe you honesty just as much. It would be unfair of me to ask you to confess when I am keeping my own secrets.”
“What are you proposing?” he whispers as if afraid to spook me.
“I…” Maybe I should think about it better.
I can’t let a momentary weakness rule me. In exchange for his confessions, he demands everything of me. The wound inside my chest is still raw, pulsing. It’s all I need to wake up from the trance.
“I don’t even know, except that I am terrified of letting you back in.”
“Viviana…”
I hang up, crying myself to sleep, only for him to follow me there as well. In it, we’d be parents.A dream. Just a dream,I tell myself when I wake up and head to the kitchen.
Evie is a late sleeper, so I prepare breakfast to pass the time. Coming downstairs, she sniffs the pancakes, a sound of satisfaction vibrating in her throat as we dig in.
Then we visit the farm where we ride for a few hours.
After we return, we swim for a while, lazing and tanning under the ball of fire reigning over the sky.
