I grunted. “Then make sure she doesn’t get her hands on any fucking poison, huh?”
“She’s staying here?”
I nodded. “Until I can decide otherwise.” I’d discuss it with Renee. She could keep an eye on her. I didn’t want to see Sofia until I was numbed to the betrayal, this sinking chasm of pain that cut me so deeply. But at the same time, there wasn’t a chance in hell that I’d let her go. That I’d be able to release herwhile knowing she carried my child, my future—one I hadn’t counted on happening like this, with lies and deceit.
Not this stupid, made-up notion of “love”.
After Oleg left me alone, I threw my drink back and relished the burn of the liquor sliding down my throat as I poured another.
30
SOFIA
The day after what felt like the end of my life dawned like any other morning.
But nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be the same again.
I’d betrayed the father of my child, my uncle’s enemy. Coming clean about all my secrets hadn’t been a cathartic and healing experience. I felt as raw and vulnerable, full of shame and guilt, as I did yesterday when I broke down and confessed it all.
All night long, I replayed the memories of how he’d scowled at me and looked at me with such cold anger.
In the morning, as I hunched over the small toilet in the attached bathroom, dealing with morning sickness again, I heard his furious voice in my head.
Any minute now, he’d come shoot me.
The door could open at any second, and he’d order my death.
Moles weren’t granted a second chance.
Spies couldn’t beg for mercy.
That was the cut-throat nature of this world we were stuck in.
Betrayals were paid for with the punishments of pain and death.
But not yours.
I sighed and stood, pressing a hand to my stomach. If I could do anything right, it would be saving this innocent life.
The trays from lunch and dinner sat untouched on the small table next to the bed. Renee had brought them in yesterday, and I almost laughed at the irony. Andre wanted me to befedwhen he’d order me to be killed? How rich.
My appetite was nonexistent, anyway. Between the stress and the morning sickness, I couldn’t even try to keep anything down.
My drive faltered, too. Another day of being stuck here felt like torture.
Because I knew how life would be carrying on outside this room I’d been locked into, like a holding cage for a helpless animal about to be executed.
My uncle was still out there, enraged and expecting my loyalty.
My cousin was still out there, weak and dying in pain.
My lover was?—
No. Stop.
I pressed the balls of my hands against my eyes and groaned lightly.
Don’t think about him. Just don’t go there.Revisiting the awful experience of seeing his furious, hurt expression would chase me for the rest of my life—which didn’t seem likely to last long.
