I can’t.
But what else can I do?
If I joined Andre’s side in this violent life, if I swore my loyalty and reserved my care for him, it would be that much harder for me to care for Esmeralda for the rest of her life. Andre had the means to help me. I damn well knew he could afford any hospice. At the same time, I couldn’t ask. I couldn’t expect that of him. To ask him to help my Giovanni cousin would be asking him to go to war for me.
Me.
The former maid he fell in lust for.
“Oleg’s convinced someone is spying, and I worry that he might be right.” He growled, sitting up as I cleared off the blood from his last cut on his side. “The Rossis wouldn’t have been sloppy. Their security—on their turf—was tight. Someone had to haveknown about this meeting tonight, and that leak came fromhere. Frommyend.” He hung his head and I winced.
But it didn’t come from… me.
“That fucking Giovanni bastard isstillgetting intel from me somehow,” he growled.
“Giovanni?” I asked, backing up as he pushed to stand from the chair.
I wasn’t hurt to hear him use my surname like that. I’d lost any respect for my family since the day I suspected Uncle Roberto had killed off his siblings.
“Yes. Only fucking Giovanni would want to set up the Rossis like this,” he replied.
“Not you?” I asked, worried. I couldn’t hide it. I cared too much.
He sighed and softened his expression, cupping my chin before kissing me. “It had to have been an attack on the Rossis, not me.”
But how can you know?I followed the connection of how he assumed my uncle was behind this attack, but I didn’t see how. I’d heard Andre and Oleg mention that restaurant in passing. I didn’t know it was a Rossi place, or that he was going to talk to that family. I was ignorant and unable to give my uncle a head’s up about it, if I had even been motivated to, which I wasn’t. I’d never forgive myself if I actually put Andre in danger.
He took my hand and led me to the shower. “Let me clean up.”
I nodded.
“Come with me,” he urged gently as he pulled my shirt up.
I let out a deep breath, willing to comfort him and help him however he needed me. My mind was a mess of dread, though.
How could Uncle Roberto have known about this meeting, though?
I’msupposed to be the mole, the spy here. And I’m not pulling it off.
So how did he know about this meeting?
The riddle would have to remain unsolved. Joining Andre in the shower, accepting his soft kisses down my neck as he held me close, I realized that he had something else on his agenda than discussing tonight’s incident.
Stuck with the worries, though, I couldn’t get all the way into the mood for shower sex.
I can’t keep this up.
I can’t live a double life like this.
But I couldn’t give up on Esmeralda.
Resting my head against Andre’s hard chest as he embraced me, with the hot water running over us, I wondered if I could get Esmeralda away from my uncle on my own. Maybe if I lied to my uncle and gave him a diversion, to get him preoccupied with a ploy where he could think he’d be able to take out the Orlovs, I could sneak in and get her out. One of the cooks there might take pity on me and help me. I could move Esmeralda to the cheapest hospice that Claire told me about. And then I could stay here, with Andre. Forsake my uncle. Disown him.
Officially and finally cutting ties with Uncle Roberto would be the final closure, the terminal act of turning traitor.
But I would do it.
To spare Andre any more suffering and being targeted.
