“But why?” She furrowed her brow. “I need to know you are living for both of us since I can’t.”
“Don’t.” A sob threatened in my throat, but I resisted it. “Don’t talk like you’ve got one foot in the grave already.”
She sighed. “It’s a saying, Sof.”
“I know. But…” I shook my head. “It’s doomed. So why even try? He would kill me if he knew who I was. He would hate me if he knew why I was sent here and what I’ve been doing.”
She huffed, but the dry laugh turned into a coughing spell. When she could breathe normally again, she said, “Whatareyou doing? Nothing. You aren’t finding anything useful for him because your sexy man only does things digitally. You’renotdoing anything bad.”
That should’ve sounded like she was pointing out my failure, but I knew what she meant. And I was glad that I was failing as a spy. I didn’t want to see my uncle be victorious now that I knew what Andre and the Orlovs were like.
I had turned traitor—in my heart.
But I was beholden to try to appease Uncle Roberto for her.
“I’m going to stay here and make him think that I am, though,” I told her. “I have to. Because that’s the only way you’ll continue to be cared for and?—”
When she shook her head slowly, I frowned.
“I’m not.” More coughing. “I’m treated like a basement rat, tossed scraps and left alone.”
“But you still had some medication when I left. You still should be going for that last round of radiation soon and?—”
Again, she somberly shook her head. “He took the pills, Sofia. I haven’t had any of the meds, any treatments since he sent you there to spy.”
“That asshole!” I tried not to raise my voice, but this anger raged inside me too hot and too sharp not to. “He wasn’t supposed to take anything from you. He told me that so long as I came here and tried to do what he asked, he wouldn’t end the palliative care that I’d arranged for you until I was back.”
“He lied, Sofia. He lied to you because he is using you.” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “He sees no use in me except as leverage to get you to do his wishes.”
I knew that. That fact was a kernel of an ugly truth that had been lodged in my heart all this time. He’d never cared aboutEsmeralda. He didn’t care about me. That was why I’d been looking into how much money I could use to put toward a better facility for her. Then when I could figure out how to get her out of his house, I could relocate her and be done with him completely.
“He’s keeping me alive with the bare minimum because he knows I’m the only thing he could hold over you.”
Tears leaked from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. If I hadn’t come here at all, he would’ve had someone shoot her. Or dump her on the streets somewhere. Because just like she’d said, he saw no value or use in her.
“And that’s why Ineedto know you are out there living your life to the fullest you can with this situation, Sof.” Her sad, small smile broke my heart even more. “I know my end is coming. I’ve known it. But until that happens, please live for both of us and experience something better than the hell we’ve faced as nieces of the Giovanni monster.”
I shook my head. “I will get you out of there, Esmeralda. I will. And you won’t have to suffer until the end.”
She sighed and stared at me with sorrow and hopelessness. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does! You matter. You are all that matters to me.” More tears burned at my eyes as they escaped.
“That’s not true.Hecould matter. Andre could help you see the good in life, even if it’s just for one night.”
I licked my lips to erase the saltiness of my tears. “No. It wouldn’t work like that. If I surrender, if I submit, once wouldn’tbe enough. I’d always have the fear of him finding out who I am. I’d never be able to look forward to love or a future or anything powerful like that.” I shrugged and lowered my gaze. “I think I would hate it more—to know what it’s like to be with him and never have it again, than to be blissfully ignorant and miss out completely.”
Loud sounds came from her end. Shouts and gunfire. Then thuds and the chaos of things being crashed on the floor above her.
“I should go,” she whispered.
I nodded, hating to end this connection with her. Each time I did, I feared it’d be the last time.
“I love you,” I mouthed, too afraid to speak in case someone could come toward her room.
She nodded and mouthed the same in reply before disconnecting the call.
I closed my eyes tight and hugged my knees to my chest. Burying my face against my folded arms, I staved off the tears that had built up.
