Happy.
It was what stopped me from wanting to lose control over what I allowed to happen, over what I started with. When I left the house yesterday, I didn’t know where to go, but ended up at a random bar I was dealing at. I didn’t get drunk, but I had a few drinks. It was the only way I could loosen up.
It was the only way I could consider what Kraven was insisting on. I let my mind think of what life would be like if we could just share her. I didn’t think it would go this far last night, but one thing always led to another when it came to us, and this was no different.
Isla wasn’t uncomfortable being there between us, probably since she was used to it, but this time, it was in an unusual way. My chest hardened more than it should have. I wanted this. I chose this… I kept reminding myself that.
“Already up?” I greeted, barely above a whisper.
She froze for a second, tilting her head up, trying to place where she was for a moment.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she murmured.
“You didn’t,” I replied, loosening my hold on her. I didn’t move my arm. I didn’t even think about it.
“You’re up,” Kraven announced, already awake too.
I sighed, my hand dragging lightly along her side, preparing myself for I don’t know what. I didn’t look at him right away, not wanting to. I didn’t trust what I’d see or feel.
He was watching her, not me.
His Kitty.
He was calm and focused, like this was something he already accepted before I even showed back up last night. It should’ve pissed me off, and it normally would. I swallowed at the thought, shifting behind her. I focused on sitting with that thought rather than reacting to it.
If this was going to work, if we were really going to try this, I’d need to change my reaction to how I handled Kraven and her. It was what came with the title of sharing her. This wasn’t something I could easily walk away from. It wasn’t something I regretted either.
I chose this, and now I was living with the aftermath of what that meant and where we went from there.
“We’re not pretending this didn’t happen.” I blurted the words before I could think them through.
The second I said them, I knew I meant them. Every single word.
Kraven didn’t hesitate. “No,” he agreed. “We’re not.”
She shifted slightly in my arms, her fingers brushing lightly against my forearm like she was trying to understand this too.
“You’re both still here.” She smiled.
I huffed out a breath, a laugh catching in my chest.
“Yeah.” I blinked. “We are.” Narrowing my gaze at her, I questioned, “What, you think I was going to leave?”
Isla met my stare. “I think you may have thought about it.”
“I wasn’t going anywhere. Not ever again. I’m not leaving you, Isla. I need you to believe that again.”
That familiar tension floated in my chest, but it didn’t hit the same way this time. It didn’t burn. It didn’t break. It was simply there.
I finally pulled my arm back, slower this time, watching her more carefully. She didn’t flinch or lean away, staying where she was.
Between us.
Right in the middle. She wasn’t forced to stay there. She was choosing to. I pushed myself up off the couch, running my hand through my hair.
“I need coffee,” I announced.
It was a weak excuse, and we all knew it. I needed a second to breathe, trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do with all this.
