The expression on Julius’s face mirrored my own. He was holding on to so much hurt.
Resentment.
Hate.
There was so much I wanted to say, but all I could do was feel. I wept for the innocence we all lost and the scars we’d have to carry for the years to come.
I was the first to break the deafening silence. “Would you ever be able to forgive him?”
Our eyes locked. “Don’t ask me that.”
“Could you forgive him for me? For this baby?”
“Would it be easier for you if I did?”
I frowned.
“Regardless of what happens,” he breathed out. “I can’t compete with him for you anymore. It’s why we’re in this situation in the first place.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s still here, isn’t he?”
“Does that mean you’re not going to kick him out?”
“Well,” he spoke with conviction, “for the first time in my life, I’m fucking choking on my pride.” He cleared his throat, his jaw tightening. “I can’t save you, Mouse. At least not without him.”
I shivered, fully aware of how difficult that was for him to express. I appreciated it, nonetheless.
“You don’t deserve what happened. You don’t deserve what I put you through, what my mom put you through, what Kraven did. I’m the reason you sought comfort in him to begin with. If I hadn’t left you, none of this would’ve happened. I pushed you into his arms, and I have to live with that.” He stood. “I’m the one who betrayed you.”
In true Julius style, he was still in control. Despite feeling as if he didn’t have any. Minutes could’ve turned into days as he tried to convince me.
“I swear to you, it only happened once. Nothing and I mean, nothing, has happened since you’ve been gone this time around. I promise you.”
“Was that for me or for you?” When I didn’t answer, he followed up with, “How long was it going on for?”
“What do you mean?”
“I know you have feelings for him. I guess a huge part of me has always known. I tried to pretend it wasn’t there, like he wasn’t pursuing you behind my back?—”
“It wasn’t like that. It’s never been like that.”
“How’s it been, then?”
“It’s not like it is with us.”
“But you do love him?”
“Julius, I’m sorry… I don’t know how to answer that without hurting you.”
“I want the truth more than I want anything else.”
“Even if it means you have to forgive your brother?”
“Or what? I’ll lose you?”
Unwavering, I declared, “No, I’ll lose you.”
