He firmly shook his head. “You don’t mean that.”
I answered with all the certainty in my heart. “I’ve never meant something more in all my life.”
“Isla—”
“I’m eighteen, Kraven. I can barely take care of myself. I have no job, and I barely have a place to live. A baby needs a home… and I don’t have that for them. Do you understand me?”
“Isla, this is your home.”
“Interesting, considering it seems to be your brother’s and your hell.”
“Yeah, well,” he challenged with assurance. “I guess you’ve turned it into heaven for us.”
It was my turn to stand my ground. “I can’t do this right now.” With that, I did what Julius and I had in common.
I fled.
Kraven didn’t try to stop me. He let me go.
For the rest of the day, I couldn’t help but think about my mom, contemplating whether this was the situation she found herself in at my age.
Is this why she gave up on me? Was she young like me? Terrified like me? Did she think I’d have a better life without her?
The irony in that…
I wanted to drift away and pretend this wasn’t happening.
How could I let this happen in the first place?
I was smarter than this.
Now I was just another statistic.
How foolish am I…
I never considered becoming a mother or having a family. It simply wasn’t in my deck of cards. I hated myself for doing this because I knew better. The disappointment I felt in myself wasn’t anything I had ever experienced. Despite my upbringing, I always tried to do the right thing.
I sighed, feeling the weight of my actions piling on top of me. It was when I noticed my hand rubbing my stomach. I sought comfort from the child I didn’t know whether I wanted to keep.
Nightfall came all too quickly. I must have been in a daze or dissociating to the extreme because I spent most of the day staring at the ceiling in Julius’s bedroom.
I swear the next thing I knew, it was dark out, and I was still aimlessly looking at the ceiling as if it were caving in on me.
All of a sudden, the nightmare I’d been waiting for occurred in the blink of an eye. Police sirens blared down the street, reminding me of the train that tore through town.
I hate that fucking train.
Everything happened so fast.
A swarm of cops invaded my safe space, searching for what I assumed was me. I thought the police had finally found me, and the second they stormed through the door, Kraven shielded me behind him like he thought they were there for me, too. I almost confessed right then and there, ready to beg for mercy and explain it was an accident.
However, it became evident they weren’t there for me at all.
“Police! We have a warrant to search the property.”
All too soon, we figured out it was a drug raid in the only home I’d ever known.
“We’re looking for Julius Knightly,” one of the officers announced. “Does he live here?”
