“Deep breaths, Jay.”
She stumbled to his car like a sleepwalker, stepping back to let him open the door for her. As she started to get in, she paused, blinking at the sight of the champagne glasses in the cupholders and what was clearly a makeshift bouquet on the front seat. White lilies, white jasmine, white roses—had these come from their own backyard? She cradled them, stunned.
“Like it?” he prompted.
“Oh . . . yes.” Her voice sounded faint even to her own ears. She set the flowers on her lap with a rustle, as the AC blew their sweet fragrance in her face, and picked up the champagne flute uncertainly. “Is this alcohol? I don’t think that’s legal.”
“Don’t make me drink alone on my wedding day, blue jay.” He held his glass aloft as he got behind the wheel, heedless of anyone who could see him waving his drink around like a madman. She clinked with him just to make him stop and he knocked back the glittering gold liquid in a single ravenous gulp. “Live a little.”
Jay sipped her own champagne, ducking every time they passed a car. “I think you live too much,” she muttered, and he gave a playful pinch.
“That’s because you’re a little rule follower.”
“I used to be.” She set her empty glass back in the cupholder and picked up the flowers, gripping the blooms so tightly that the petals were shedding faster than she could breathe. “I think we’ve both fallen from grace now.”
He put his hand—the same one he’d pinched her with—on her thigh.As if he’s checking to see if I’m really here. “Show me the dress.”
“You’re driving.”
“The light’s turning. I’ve been picturing it all day. Lose the coat.”
A fresh wave of heat poured down her throat, which was already far too warm, before radiating outwards in a wave of prickling numbness. As she peeled coat off, she couldfeelhis gaze as if it were melted candle wax dripping over her skin, making her nipples bud against the silk.
“Fuck,” he said reverently. “You look like an angel.”
The car behind them honked, startling them both.
Jay tossed the coat in the back and Nicholas swore, hitting the gas hard enough to propel them both forward. She couldn’t get that look out of her head.
If only we didn’t have all this cruelty between us, she thought desperately.If only he had never listened to his father—if he had been kind—and honest from the start—
Her eyes went to the window, to the world beyond that now felt strangely muted, and her eyes widened to see a familiar silhouette with graying brown hair. “That looks like Arthur.”
She sat up, tugging at her skirt.
“I think itisArthur. Nicholas, what is Arthur Hartwell doing here?”
“I invited him. He’s our witness.”
She glanced over and saw his eyes flick away; he’d been staring. “Ourwitness?”
“You can’t get married without a witness.”
“When were you going to tell me that you asked my boss to be a witness at our wedding?”
“I just did.”
She gave him a frustrated look that he pretended not to see.
Hollybrook’s city hall was a beautiful Victorian with a mansard roof and white stucco walls. Once it had been a mansion belonging to a long-dead member of Hollybrook’s distinguished elite, but they hadn’t had any heirs, and the property had reverted back to the state. Jay vaguely remembered her mother harping about it back when she ran with the historical society. They had come here as a family for some kind of fundraiser, though she couldn’t remember the details now.
Arthur smiled at them as they walked up from Nicholas’s car. This was a far cry from the white wedding she had envisioned—she had imagined something big, and white, and floral, with an audience packed with nebulous friends. Dreams filtered down through her mother, who had conflated pomp with affection and had often left her own daughter starved at that glittering buffet.
The handpicked flowers and plastic champagne glasses were so oppositional to his grandiose tastes, that Jay knew he had selected both especially for her. Maybe that was part of being in love: finding someone who made you feel brave enough to be the person you couldn’t be alone, and who forgave you for what you did when you were.
“You still should have told me,” she said aloud, giving Nicholas a stern frown.
“I should have told you.” Nicholas took her hand, turning it over in his larger one before raising it to his lips. “But it’s not easy to think about anything else when you look like that.”
