“Yeah, you’re freezing.” He sighed against her temple, his hand running over her arm. “Let’s get you in the house.”
The warmth of the house hit her like a wall. Nicholas picked up a red Stanford sweater from one of the backs of those sunroom chairs and pulled it over her head. She let the towel drop to the floor as the fleecy fabric swung down to her lower thighs, curiously indulgent against her bare skin.
“Red looks good on you.”
“So you’ve said,” she replied warily.
“It’s still true.” He headed for the bar, reaching up to grab two glasses. “Do you want a drink before we go to bed? It might warm you up.”
“No,” she said. “And I don’t think you should, either.”
Nicholas smirked at her before pouring himself a shot of rum. “Always taking care of me.” Still holding his glass, he strode closer, tucking her hair behind her ear. “And all I want to do,” he finished, letting his hand trail down those white letters, “is take care of you.”
“I love you,” she said quietly, the admission ripping something violently away from her. “But I’m a grown woman, Nicholas. I’ve been taking care of myself for thirty-one years. That won’t change when I’m your wife. You can’t bully me into letting you control me.”
Careful, Jay. You know what happens when you want it too much.
“No,” he agreed. “But sometimes—you could hand the reins over to me.”
Jay thought of all the times she’d dragged herself to his room, burning with humiliation and the expectation of being destroyed. Even as his touch woke parts of her that she’d never been able to reach, she had always been braced for a level of suffering and revenge that never came.
“The reins?” she repeated faintly.
“Just for a while.” He tilted her chin up gently. “You must be exhausted. You could be my little bird out of bed, too. Let Daddy make some of the decisions. Let me dress you up and show you off and spoil you—I don’t think you realize what that would do for me. Or how much that would turn me on.”
Panic was bubbling through her in earnest now. She was scared of how much she wanted what he was offering—safety, security, and the knowledge that she would never be alone again. All her life, she had been so scared that she would be left if she didn’t leave first.
“Jay, you’re shaking. Why does it scare you to rely on me?”
“I’m afraid my freedom will be taken away,” she blurted.
“I won’t do that to you.” He stroked her and the touch was so gentle that she flinched as if struck. “You let me tie you up, blue jay. Don’t you trust me to take care of you properly?”
Jay looked at his hand on hers. She felt as if she were standing on the edge of a diving board and her feet were bolted to its surface. “Yes,” she said falteringly.
“But?”
“You could hurt me,” she whispered.
Nicholas said nothing, but she saw a line form on his forehead.
She swallowed, wondering if she should say what she was about to say given his irascible temper. “My last relationship was very comfortable. He—he never really asked anything of me. Even though we were a couple, we were still separate people.”
“You dated someone who bored you so you wouldn’t be invested in the relationship.”
Jay looked at him sharply. “No, we just didn’t really discuss things like this. He didn’t care what I wore. He didn’t want control. We just went about our lives and um, did couple stuff.”
“Boring and bad in bed,” he said, in a deadpan tone. “What a catch.”
“Stop it,” she said, but there was no fire in it, and she could see that this pleased him. “You just told me you couldn’t exist without me. You don’t get to criticize anyone.”
“I’m tired,” he said wearily. “And I know exactly what I need.” He hugged her to him and she sucked in a breath, inhaling the chlorine scent still clinging to his bare skin, and beneath that, night-blooming flowers and citrus andhim. “From the very first day we met, you never had any trouble telling me exactly what you think. I don’t want that to change.”
“No, you just want to run the house and order me around like a big man because that’s what turns you on.”
“It does—but only when you let me.” Jay was taken slightly aback by the power in his arms when he crushed her bodily to him. “Come to my room.” He bussed her cheek. “Spend the night with me. I won’t even touch you if you don’t want me to. I just want you with me.”
Jay, face buried in the crook of his shoulder, hesitated. And then she took the shot of rum and drank half of it herself before responding, “Yes, Daddy.”
