“You haven’t told me anything!”
“Well, you’ve successfully worn me down. Congratulations. Ten questions, Nadine, and I get to pick the venue. It’s the best you’re going to get out of me, so I suggest you take it.”
“What’s the catch?” she asked flatly, not moving. Because there was always a catch with men like him.
He had moved a little closer and now he closed the final gap between them in one long stride and gave her ponytail a playful tug. “This.”
Nadine looked up at him in confusion and felt his fingers knot firmly around her hair, angling her face up. Her last tangible thought was how utterly unfair it was that a bastard like him should have eyelashes like that, and then his mouth covered hers and everything in her head shattered like a smashing crystal.
She fell into that kiss like it was a snare meant just for her. His mouth was soft but it was the kind of supple softness that could glove a sharpened blade; and when the kiss deepened and his tongue swept possessively over hers, she felt the deliberate sting of teeth in her lip, and a saltiness that could have been sweat or blood as he jerked her closer, crushing her against him.
Her hands jumped to his chest—to push him awaythat one small corner of her mind insisted, that still had reason left to insist—and she was alarmed at how good, howsolid, he felt beneath that button-down shirt. She could feel raised planes of muscle, the hard bars of his ribs, and beneath that, his heart, beating steadily against her flattening palm.
That felt wrong, that his could be so steady when hers was racing.
The grip on her hair increased and fingers brushed the strip of skin where her shirt had lifted. She jerked, the sweatshirt slipping from her hips and falling to the ground; he paused, and then she felt him breathe out roughly through his nose, before dipping beneath the hem and smoothing his hand along her bare waist. “I could do this all day,” he whispered, with a last lingering tug at her lower lip, “but perhaps—we should relocate.”
“What?” She felt dizzy, sick. Like she had sunstroke.
Gently, he turned her head. People were staring at them. Watching the two of them kissing in the shadow of the park, with Cal touching her like he was about to—
Take you into the woods and have his way with you?
“Oh!” She yanked her hands from his body as if they had caught fire.
He smiled down at her, rubbing his swollen lip with his thumb. “Funny,” he said. “You don’t kiss like a prude.”
She hated him for that. For making her feel hot and cold, all at once, when he could turn on his passion as easily as someone flicking the handle of a switchblade. Using it to wound. Even if it wasn’t the sexy devil magic Jessica seemed to think it was, Cal was fully aware of his power of attraction. She yanked down at her shirt angrily, regretting the movement when his eyes flicked to her breasts.
She folded her arms. “Why did you do that?”
“Because I wanted to.” He bent, picking up her hoodie from the ground and shaking it out to the grass off. She saw him glance briefly at his great-grandfather’s statue as he handed her sweatshirt back. “So, little sparrow—where do you want to go for lunch?”
C H A P T E R
F I V E
? a bird in a cage ?
One of Nadine’s best memories with Noelle took place during the summer when she was sixteen. Nadine had just failed her driving test because she’d had a panic attack while making an unprotected left turn on a busy street, and her disastrous attempt at spreading her wings had only added to her general feelings of anxiety and dejection. She would never be good enough, no matter what she did. She was too stupid to drive acar.
Noelle had just graduated from college and was home for the summer, but she was in and out of the house so often that Aunt Nikki joked that she was using the condo as a flophouse. That weekend, though, instead of spending time with her friends or then-boyfriend, Noelle had decided that she wanted to spend the day with Nadine. “Grab your swimsuit and slap on some sunscreen, Nad!” she said. “I’m tired of you bumming around the house, hunched over your computer like a gremlin. We’re going to the beach!”
They had gone to Half Moon Bay. The drive had been long and winding. They had passed several small towns, a Christmas tree farm, marshes peppered with seabirds. Nadine spent most of the drive plastered to the window. There was something exhilarating about a long drive with someone who wasn’t a “real” adult. It made her feel grown-up and free. She felt like she was living out a Vanessa Carlton song, or one of those coming-of-age movies that made being a teenager look so much wiser and more romantic than it actually was.
The two of them had spent the whole day at the beach. Nadine swam in the cold, bracing waters of the Pacific while Noelle lounged on the beach. Together, they explored some of the sea caves at low-tide, marveling at the smooth, sloping walls. On the walk back, Nadine gathered up a whole pile of shells from the beach that she told herself she was going to take home and clean so she could make them into jewelry; it took her several days to realize that they had been left behind.
“This is the best day ever,” Nadine had said, as they ate dinner at one of the local greasy spoons. It felt good to be able to admit to her joy without worrying that someone would snatch it away.
“I’m glad I could give it to you, Nad,” Noelle said, smiling as she bit into a veggie burger half the size of her head. When she was out with her friends, she seemed to live and breathe salad and Starbucks, so maybe the day was freeing for her, too. They could both just be themselves.
They listened to Radio Disney on the drive back home. It was the type of music they ordinarily would have laughed at—Jesse McCartney, BBMak, the Click Five—but it suited the soundtrack of their evening, innocent and wistful, filled with secret, hopeful longings. Nadine found herself thinking about first kisses and fireflies as she looked out the window.
When they got home, Aunt Nikki was asleep. Passed out, probably, though neither of them wanted to think about that because they were young and it was depressing. They stayed up late the way they used to when they were kids, trading stories and secrets until one or both of them fell asleep. Noelle sneaked them two glasses of wine from Nikki’s open bottle of Chardonnay and they sipped it from coffee mugs as they talked.
“I wish I was more like you,” Nadine had confessed, drunk but not knowing it. Her cheeks had turned warm and pink, and her thoughts were churning like seafoam against concrete breakers. “People at school don’t even know I exist.”
“You’ll find someone,” Noelle said. “Just wait until college. Things will be totally different.”
