‘No, I am culpable. Where you are concerned I should not have hidden away. Did I know you thought I was dead? Perhaps. Could I have reached out to you? Yes, at any time and I did not.’ She took a breath. ‘The truth is I hide here in this treehouse because I am ashamed. While you were trying to find someone else – anyone else – to pin your father’s mistakes on. I very much knew what he had cost other people on this island and in Athens. Yes, I still loved him because he was my son, but I did not love what he did or the traits of the person he grew into. People were not unkind but, Konstantino, they deserved to be.’ She sniffed. ‘But before I removed myself as far as possible, I made sure that the debts I knew about were paid in full.’
Kostas baulked. ‘You paid money to people? Why did you not say?’
Kyriaki flapped her arms. ‘Which bit did you miss? My shame? My hiding with my shame? My not reaching out? It was not your problem to fix.’
‘And it was not yours either,’ Kostas reminded her.
‘But when he left us it was my problem. I created him. And, when all is said and done, that is the only fact.’
‘Well, he created me,’ Kostas said. ‘And all I can see now is that my plans made me the same as him. The real him. And now the person he actually was, not the person I wanted to believe he was, isn’t the kind of man that I want to be.’
‘Then there is your answer,’ Kyriaki stated softly. ‘For everything.’
He took a breath and nodded.
‘So, take back the television and the fancy coffee machine. I will let you do one thing for me,’ Kyriaki said. ‘And one thing only.’
‘What?’
‘Promise to me, no matter what choice you make in life, Konstantino, make it with true, authentic intention. Every decision can be weighed up with logic or balanced by asking for advice, but when the moment for choosing arrives, make your mind up this way… Lead with your values. That sensation you get inside, that instinct you feel when something is just right, that is how you know. And it does not matter the opinions of others, whoever they are; if your choice makes you feel lighter, to breathe a little more free, to be quietly, perfectly grounded in that time and place, it is the correct path on the journey.’
He dashed a tear from his eye with a clenched fist as emotion threatened to overwhelm him in this tiny house in the trees. ‘Se agapó,Yiayia.’I love you, Grandmother.
‘Se agapó, Konstantinomou.’I love you, my Konstantinos.
53
HOTEL MARGARITÁRI, AVLAKI
Faye took a breath as she observed the hotel guests relaxing by the pool. It was calm. At least the hotel business was running smoothly and there had been no repeated swimming pool incidents or insect coups for her to sort out. But as her eyes found Saffron, lying on a lounger, headphones on, sunglasses in place, Faye knew she needed peace restored between her and her daughter, and that took one of them to be the adult. She could give a little time and space, but she didn’t want Saffron to think her retreat was because she didn’t care about her feelings. She made her way across the grass.
‘I bought you a Fanta Lemon,’ Faye said, holding the plastic bottle out to Saffron.
No response. Perhaps she couldn’t hear her with the music on. Faye held the drink a bit closer, made it dance side to side.
Saffron snatched at her headphones, pulling them off her head. ‘What?’
‘I brought you a drink,’ Faye said. ‘I would say “peace offering” but we aren’t really at war, are we?’ She smiled, hopefully.
Saffron sat up and took the drink, and Faye didn’t wait for an invitation; she rapidly sat down on the bottom of Saffron’s sunbed.
‘Saff, I don’t want to fight, OK? I hate it when we’re not speaking.’
Saffron opened the lid of the lemon drink and took a gulp.
Faye watched her drinking, delaying conversation. She took a deep breath. ‘OK, well, I apologise that I didn’t get to tell you about Kostas myself and that you had to see the photos before we had a chance to chat about it but… I’m not going to apologise for dating him.’
Saffron took the drink from her mouth and snorted. ‘Is that what you’re doing, is it? Dating?’
‘I really don’t know what you want to call it,’ Faye said, scraping her hair behind her ear. ‘It doesn’t matter to me what name you give it, but I enjoy his company and?—’
‘You enjoy his “company”?’ Saffron scoffed again. ‘What do you even have in common? He’s twenty-five! You’re forty! He’s been on the cover ofVogue Greeceand you’re just… just… you.’
Internally Faye was reacting hard. The words burned, singeing her safety net, making her self-esteem smoulder. But externally she was staying stoic. She knew her daughter was still hurting from the divorce. These words were being fired like ammunition, but not necessarily meant to hurt Faye, just to get the pain out of Saffron’s own head and heart.
As tears bubbled in Saffron’s eyes, Faye put a hand on her arm. ‘I know I’m just me, Saff. And I actually really like being just me now.’
Saffron didn’t say anything, but her bottom lip was quivering like it used to when she knew she had to visit the dentist and there was no way of getting out of the nasty-tasting paste at the end of the consultation.
