‘Absolutely no more guided breathing for you today,’ Kat said, hugging her tight. ‘I’m going to guide you somewhere much better and it will involve cake.’
47
LANDSPÍTALI HOSPITAL, REYKJAVIK
Gunnar had never seen Hildur look frail before. But here, in this hospital bed, her fragile skin the same colour as the pale white sheets, she looked every year of her however-many-years-old she was.
‘Is she going to die?’
The question came from Magnús who was sitting on the other side of the bed, chewing his nails, hair flopping over haunted eyes, gaze going from Hildur, to the bag of IV fluids, to the contrasting spiral of tinsel weaved along the rail of the curtain that was closeting them from the rest of the ward. The boy was scared. Not just from what he had seen today, but all the things he had seen so far in his short life. He would not ever lie to Magnús.
‘She fell from a great height.’ Just the facts.
‘I know,’ Magnús said. ‘But the firemen caught her in the life net.’
A miracle that they had. Someone had been watching over Hildur in that moment and he didn’t care whether it was thehuldufólkor pure chance, he was grateful that they were even here in this moment, Hildur’s chest still rising and falling.
‘They did,’ he said, nodding. ‘But, you know, it was still a hard fall. At Hildur’s age, any kind of event like that puts a huge stress on the body and she has only just had her broken foot and?—’
‘And you have not said that she is not going to die,’ Magnús interrupted. ‘And all of this happening. It is all my fault!’
‘Do not say that,’ Gunnar ordered. ‘It is no one’s fault. Accidents, they just happen. You know this.’
‘That is not what Hildur believes,’ Magnús said, sniffing with emotion. ‘Hildur believes that everything has a purpose.’
Gunnar shook his head. If Hildur wasn’t lying in a hospital bed right now he would be cursing her for relaying her opinions and deeper meanings about life to Magnús for him to deal with in this moment.
‘Hildur also believes that our entire home looks better when it looks like all thirteen of the Yule Lads have run in and puked up all over it,’ Gunnar stated.
‘Hildur said that if we do not have enough Christmas decorations the Yule Lads will leave only potatoes in our shoes.’ He sighed. ‘I told Hildur that because of everything at school I probably only deserved potatoes in my shoes anyway.’
Gunnar shook his head. ‘Magnús, like I said, this is not your fault.’
‘If I had not pushed Brigitta then none of this would be happening,’ Magnús said. ‘I should have ignored her. I should have tried not to let it get to me. I should have been stronger.’
‘OK,’ Gunnar said. He got up, picked up his chair and walked around Hildur’s bed, putting his seat down next to Magnús. He clapped a hand to the boy’s shoulder. ‘Listen to me, Magnús. What is done is done. There is no point thinking of different outcomes or decisions we might have made in anything. We cannot change the past. The only thing we can do is learn from previous choices and use that knowledge to improve what we do in the future.’
‘But the decisions I made in the past mean that Hildur’s future is in this bed at the hospital,’ Magnús said, eyes welling with tears.
‘Not… my future.’
Gunnar and Magnús both jumped at the sound of Hildur’s voice. The woman’s eyes were opening a little.
‘Hildur!’ Magnús exclaimed, half-standing now and leaning close to her in an attempt at a hug.
‘Magnús, give Hildur a little space,’ Gunnar ordered, coaxing the boy back slightly with his hand.
‘Sorry, did I hurt her?’ Magnús said, now looking concerned.
‘Stop… saying so much… when you are… really saying nothing at all,’ Hildur said, paper-thin lips moving slowly.
‘Hildur, do not try to speak. The doctor said you need complete rest and we do not have the results of your scans yet,’ Gunnar stated.
‘The… perfect situation for you,’ Hildur stated. ‘First I hurt my foot and cannot move. Now I… should not speak. What is left for me now?’
Gunnar’s gut contracted with something close to joy. What was left for Hildur now was her humour. Still very much there and finding its way out even in this difficult situation.
‘Do you want some water, Hildur?’ Magnús asked, looking at the patient as if she might crumble into dust if he did not attend to her every need.
