It was even colder out on the water, but they had been provided with suits to lock their body temperature in and to repel the snow and it really did feel like they were at one with the ocean. As their boat guide gave information about the area and what they hoped to see, Chloe’s mind was working overtime wondering what she was going to do about the new dilemma she was faced with. It was head over heart, something she had longed for versus unchartered territory and something she could never have envisaged coming along for her.
‘There is Lundey, or, Puffin Island,’ Gunnar said. He pointed ahead of them to a lump of rock sticking out of the sea then he passed her a steaming hot drink.
‘Is this where we are going to see hundreds of black and white birds who look like Magnús’s costume?’ Chloe asked him.
‘No,’ Gunnar answered. ‘We will not see any puffins today.’
‘What?’ Chloe said, confused. ‘But it’s called Puffin Island.’
‘Yes,’ he told her. ‘But the puffins, they only come here for the summer months. To breed. In the summertime there can be up to three hundred thousand puffins here.’
‘That’s crazy,’ Chloe said. ‘So many.’
‘Yes,’ Gunnar said. ‘And the island, it is only two hundred metres long and one hundred metres wide.’
‘Can you go there? Walk on it?’
‘No,’ Gunnar said. ‘It is owned privately. But we will go close on the boat. There are not only puffins there. There is much other wildlife too.’
She took a sip of her coffee and hoped it would warm her body and soothe the internal conflict too. But even Icelandic coffee couldn’t work miracles…
‘Chloe,’ Gunnar said so softly. ‘Do not think that you cannot tell me your truths.’
She leaned against the boat and turned a little to face him. ‘Did you hear any of my call with Michelle?’
‘No,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I am a professional driver. My eyes were on the road, my mouth was telling the stories of thehuldufólkand my ears were listening for the throwing up.’
Chloe laughed. ‘There wasn’t any of that.’
‘On the way here,’ Gunnar said, smiling. ‘But, you know, after a trip on water, fish and chips and a long day.’
‘Stop it.’
‘I have stopped.’
Chloe took a breath of the salty snowy air and looked deep into Gunnar’s eyes. ‘Michelle offered me partnership.’
Her chest swelled as she delivered the news and she felt excitement, joy and pride flooding her like it should have flooded her when she had first heard Michelle say it.
‘Chloe!’ Gunnar exclaimed, not hesitating to throw his arms around her and hug her tightly. ‘This is the most amazing news! The moment that you so wished for in all of the world.’
And, just like that, her feelings changed, see-sawing instantaneously. Her body stiffened. It was not the moment she had so wished for in all of the world. That moment could never be achieved.
Gunnar let her go, stood back, knowing, feeling. ‘Chloe, I am sorry. That was not what I meant. God, I am so stupid! The worst person! I did not think!’
‘Stop,’ Chloe said, putting a finger to his lips and pressing hard. ‘I know what you meant and it’s fine. It is what I wanted for so long. The thing I have been striving for, dreaming about, trying to manifest, it’s finally come true.’
‘But there is a problem?’ Gunnar asked.
She nodded. ‘Yes. I think. I don’t really know. I’m just trying to work it out in my mind.’
He nodded now. ‘There is much to think about.’
She looked out to sea now, as the boat began to move a little closer to the island, waves lapping at its base, snow covering the rocks. ‘I suppose, when Michelle said all these amazing things about my work, about me, and then offered me the partnership, it didn’t quite feel how I thought it was going to feel.’
‘It did not feel good?’ Gunnar asked her.
‘It felt… OK.’
