The words hit like a slap and I step back. The bond makes everything complicated. Like he regrets claiming me. Hurt bleeds through before I can hide it and I watch him wince when he feels it.
"I didn't mean it like that," he says quickly. "I don't regret us. I just..."
"How did you mean it?"
"I mean I can feel you now. All the time. Your fear is my fear. Your pain is my pain. And when someone threatens you, I want to do things that would get both of us killed." He closes his eyes and takes a breath. "I'm supposed to be logical about this. Supposed to think clearly and find solutions. But all I can think about is keeping you safe and I don't know how to do that against the Council."
The anger drains out of me because I feel his terror underneath all of it. He's not angry at me. He's terrified for me and the bond is making it overwhelming.
"I know," I say quietly. "I feel you too. All the time. Your worry keeps me up at night."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." I want to let him hold me until we both stop shaking but we can't. Not here. Not where anyone might see. "We'll figure this out."
"Will we?" The question sounds defeated.
"We have to."
Silence falls between us. The bond settles slightly, no longer crackling with anger but still uncomfortable. Still scared.
"You need to be more careful," he says finally. "Chase is watching you. The Council is building a case. One wrong move and they'll have everything they need."
"I'm trying to be careful."
"Try harder." The words come out sharper than he probably means them to.
"What do you want from me, Julian? To hide in my room until graduation? To pretend I'm not a silver wolf so the Council loses interest?"
"I want you alive." His voice breaks. "That's all I want. You alive and safe and not taken by the Council to be studied like some specimen."
"Then trust that I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?" The question hangs between us. "Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you're one mistake away from disappearing into a Council facility."
The bond snaps tight and painful between us. He feels my hurt at the accusation. I feel his terror driving the words. We stand there staring at each other across his office and the distance feels like miles even though we're only feet apart.
"I need to get to class," I say because staying here is only making this worse.
He nods. "Be careful."
"I always am."
I leave his office and the bond follows me like an anchor dragging behind. His fear and frustration and love all tangled together. He wants to call me back and knows he can't.
This is what the mate bond is. Not just feeling each other's pleasure but feeling each other's terror too. Not just connection but being unable to think clearly because his fear is mine and mine is his and we're both drowning in it.
I walk across campus as the sun sets and feel eyes on me from multiple directions.
Knox is in the shadows near the library. I see him for just a moment before he fades back into darkness but his pale eyes track me as I pass. He doesn't speak, doesn't approach, just watches with that predatory stillness that makes my pulse jump.
Near the fountain, Dominion members are gathered in their usual spot. Caspian is there. The conversation stops when I walk by. His Alpha awareness settles over me like weight and I feel the pack claim pulling tight. I nod at him and keep walking, knowing he's watching me go. Wondering what I'm hiding. Trying to figure out what changed.
The broken bond with Nico pulls painful when I pass the training hall. I don't look to see if he's there but I feel him anyway. Feel his guilt and confusion bleeding through the contaminated bond between us.
And underneath it all, the mate bond with Julian hums constant and terrified. I feel him even from buildings away. Feel his worry following me like a shadow.
Four males. Four different connections. All pulling at me from different directions.
