It's all too much. Too loud, too bright, too intense. My wolf instincts are screaming at me to run, to hunt, to howl, to do something with all this energy and fear and confusion pounding through me. But my human mind is drowning in the sensory overload and all I can think is that I need to hide before someone sees me like this.
But my new body doesn't respond like my human body did. Nothing about how I move makes sense anymore.
My legs work in a pattern I don't understand. Four of them instead of two, and they don't move how I expect them to. When I try to take a step forward, my front right paw moves but I don't know which back leg is supposed to move with it. I try front right and back left at the same time and my body twists sideways sending me stumbling into a bush.
My balance is completely different too. My center of gravity is all wrong, front-heavy and low to the ground instead of centered over my hips like when I was human. When I try to compensate for the weird weight distribution, I overbalance in the other direction and nearly fall over.
I try again, forcing my legs to move in a pattern that might work. Front right, back left, front left, back right. The rhythm feels foreign and awkward, like trying to pat my head and rubmy stomach at the same time except a thousand times harder because all four limbs are doing different things. I manage three lurching steps before my front legs tangle with my back legs and I go down hard, face-first into the snow.
The impact should hurt but my wolf body is tougher than my human one and I barely feel it. That's almost more disorienting than the fall itself. My sense of what should hurt and what shouldn't is completely wrong now.
I scramble back to my feet, all four legs moving in different directions, none of them coordinated, and try once more. This time I make it five steps before I crash sideways into a tree. My shoulder takes the impact. I ricochet off the trunk, lose my balance completely, and end up in another tangle of legs and snow and pine needles.
This isn't working. I can't run if I can't even walk properly. The graceful wolves I've seen in videos and at the Academy make it look effortless, but I'm stumbling through the forest like I've never had legs before. I trip over exposed roots that I should be able to avoid but my depth perception is wrong and I misjudge distances by inches that matter. My paws catch on undergrowth I thought I was stepping over. When I try to duck under a low branch, I don't account for the fact that my body is longer now and my hindquarters crash into it.
Every movement is a battle between what my human mind thinks should work and what my wolf body actually needs to do. My instincts are screaming at me to just let go and let the wolf take over, to stop thinking and start feeling, but I'm too panicked to trust that. What if I let go and I can't get myself back? What if the wolf takes over completely and I lose who I am?
I hear voices in the distance, getting closer. People calling out, asking if someone heard an animal screaming. Footsteps crunching through snow from multiple directions. They'recoming to investigate and I'm a silver wolf who can't figure out how to move in this body properly.
I need to shift back. I focus on my human form, trying to remember what it feels like to have hands instead of paws. I think about standing upright instead of on all fours, about my human face instead of this wolf muzzle with its too-sharp teeth. I picture myself as I was an hour ago, brown eyes and brown hair and completely, normally human.
Nothing happens.
I try harder, concentrating until my wolf head hurts. I imagine my bones breaking back into human shape, my fur retracting back into my skin, my paws becoming hands again with fingers that can grip things. I picture it as clearly as I can but my body doesn't respond. My wolf form stays exactly as it is, locked in place by something I don't understand.
The panic rises higher because what if I can't shift back? What if I'm stuck like this forever? What if my human body is gone and all that's left is this wolf that can't even walk properly?
The voices are getting even closer now. I can smell them clearly, three wolves all heading in my direction with purpose. Three distinct scents that I somehow recognize even though I shouldn't. I force my legs to move again even though they don't want to cooperate, stumbling deeper into the forest and putting distance between myself and whoever is coming to find me.
Chapter Nineteen
Idon't get far before they appear between the trees.
The first one is massive, bigger than any wolf I've ever seen at the Academy, with black fur that seems to absorb the moonlight instead of reflecting it. Pale eyes that glow slightly in the dark lock onto me and his whole body goes completely still mid-step, every muscle freezing like he's been turned to stone. We stare at each other for a long moment, wolf to wolf, and I watch his eyes track down my body and settle on my fur. I can see the exact moment he realizes what color I am because his ears go back flat against his skull and his whole stance shifts into something more alert, more dangerous, more focused.
Knox. I know it's him because I've seen this wolf before, standing outside my window just days ago. The same black fur that absorbs light, the same pale eyes, the same predatory stillness.
Another wolf emerges from a different direction, moving with fluid grace that speaks of a lifetime of being comfortable in this form. His fur is lighter colored, golden brown with darkerpatches along his spine, and he's nearly as large as Knox. He moves like an Alpha even in wolf form, with confidence and authority radiating from every step he takes.
Caspian. His eyes lock onto me immediately and he makes a sound low in his throat that's not quite a growl but definitely not friendly either. It's a warning sound, questioning, and I can see him assessing me the same way Knox did. His gaze finds my silver fur and his ears flatten against his skull just like Knox's did. He takes a step closer and I instinctively back up, my back legs tangling again and nearly sending me sprawling into the snow.
A third wolf appears from yet another direction, smaller than the other two but still larger than I am. His fur is dark brown, almost black in the shadows, and when he gets close enough I feel the broken bond between us pull tight under my ribs. The sensation is painful even through the distance and the wolf forms, a sharp tug that makes me want to whine.
Nico.
He takes a step toward me, drawn by the bond whether he wants to be or not, and I bare my teeth without thinking. The warning is instinctive, my wolf responding to a threat even though my human mind knows he's probably not going to hurt me. Probably. The teeth-baring works though. He stops moving, his tail dropping slightly in what might be submission or might just be hesitation.
They form a loose circle around me, three wolves who could tear me apart if they wanted to but are just standing there watching me with expressions I can't quite read on wolf faces. All three of them are staring at my silver fur with shock that's visible even through their wolf forms.
I try to shift back again, desperate now. I focus as hard as I can on my human form, on skin instead of fur, on being the girl I was before this nightmare started.
This time something gives inside me.
The shift back is just as violent as the shift to wolf. My bones start breaking in reverse and the pain is somehow worse because I know what's coming now. My spine shortens with a series of cracks that echo through my wolf skull. Each vertebra compresses back into human shape and I can feel the tail I didn't want retracting back into my tailbone. The sensation is horrible, like something being pulled back inside my body that was never meant to be there in the first place.
My skull reshapes itself and the pressure is unbearable. My wolf muzzle shortens back into a human face and I can feel my jaw breaking and reforming, my teeth shrinking and losing their sharpness. The change in my skull makes everything spin and I lose my sense of balance completely.
My ribcage contracts. Each rib cracks and bends back into its human shape and for several agonizing seconds I can't breathe at all because my lungs are changing size mid-breath. When air finally comes back it hurts like my chest is too small for my lungs now.
