"Storage closet," he whispers. "Now."
I don't argue. I slip into the small storage closet behind his desk and pull the door almost closed, leaving it open just enough that I can see a sliver of the office. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure whoever is out there can hear it.
Julian straightens his shirt and walks to the door, opening it to reveal Professor Cross.
"Cross. What can I do for you?"
"Saw your light on. Working late again?"
"Grading papers. You know how it is."
"Don't we all. Well, don't stay too late." Cross glances past him into the office. "Good night, Harmon."
"Good night."
The door closes and I hear Julian lock it. Then silence.
I emerge from the closet and we just stare at each other. Both of us are shaking. Both of us know how close we came to doing something that would have gotten us both killed.
"You need to leave," he says finally.
"Julian..."
"Now, Miss Bardot. Before I stop being strong enough to make you go."
I pick up my mask from where I dropped it and walk to the door. He doesn't move, just watches me with eyes that are still too dark, still full of everything we almost did.
I leave his office and make it back to my dorm on legs that feel unsteady. Lily is still at the ball, which means I have the room to myself. I change out of the dress and into sleep clothes, but I can still smell cedar on my skin, can still feel the ghost of Julian's hands on my face.
The heat is still there, worse now after being close to him, after almost kissing him. My body is aching for something I can't have, calling for mates I can't claim, and I have no idea how much longer I can survive this before something breaks.
I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling while my body burns and the bonds under my ribs pull in four different directions. Nico's broken bond aching like an infected wound. The soft pull toward Julian that gets stronger every time I see him. The magnetic draw toward Caspian that's becoming impossible to ignore. And underneath it all, the awareness of Knox somewhere in the building, watching from shadows, waiting for something I don't understand.
This is what the books meant when they said heat triggers mate recognition. This overwhelming, undeniable awareness that I'm connected to these males whether I want to be or not. That my body has chosen them and is trying to force the bonds into place regardless of consequences or logic or fear.
I close my eyes and try to sleep, but all I can think about is how close Julian came to kissing me and how much I wanted him to.
Chapter Eighteen
The moon wakes me.
I don't know how I know it's the moon pulling at me when I can't even see it through the curtained window, but I feel it anyway. Something is tugging at parts of me I didn't know existed, calling to something buried deep under my skin that's been trying to claw its way out for days now. My whole body feels wrong in ways that have nothing to do with the heat, which has finally started to fade after what felt like an eternity of torture.
This is different. This is so much worse.
I sit up in bed and immediately regret it. Pain lances through my bones like someone is trying to break me apart from the inside, like my skeleton has decided it doesn't want to be this shape anymore. I bite down on my lip hard enough to taste blood, trying not to make noise that might wake Lily, but a whimper escapes anyway.
"Nova?" Her voice comes through the darkness, heavy with sleep. "You okay?"
"Fine. Just a cramp." The lie comes automatically even though I'm pretty sure I'm dying. "Go back to sleep."
She mumbles something I can't make out and rolls over. Within seconds her breathing evens out again and I'm left sitting there in the dark, clutching my stomach as another wave of pain rolls through me. It feels like every bone in my body is trying to reshape itself, like my skeleton is rejecting the form it's been holding for eighteen years and demanding something else entirely.
The books I read mentioned shifting, but I skimmed those sections because I'd never shifted before and didn't think it was relevant. They said first shifts typically happen during puberty with someone there to help you through it, with pack support guiding you. But I'm eighteen and alone and I have absolutely no idea what's happening to my body.
The next wave of pain is strong enough that I have to get out of bed before I wake Lily with my gasping. I stumble toward the bathroom on legs that don't feel like they belong to me anymore, biting my lip so hard I'm definitely bleeding now. When I look in the mirror, my eyes are different. Not quite my usual brown anymore. There's amber bleeding through, and when the moonlight coming through the small bathroom window hits them, they reflect back at me like an animal's eyes caught in headlights.
Terror hits me almost as hard as the pain. What's happening to me?
