No. Not him. Anyone but him.
But my body doesn't ask permission. Something shifts under my ribs with a sensation like a door swinging shut and locking, and I can feel him. Nico. Somewhere in the building, aware of me just as I'm now aware of him. But this isn't a bond completing. It's a bond refusing to let go, half-formed and wrong, lodged in my chest like a splinter that won't come free. It doesn't feel like the soft pull toward Julian or the magnetic draw toward Caspian. This feels contaminated. Like the connection tried to form and got twisted somehow, buildingon broken trust, and now it just sits there, present, permanent, and poisoned.
I curl around the pain, gasping. It feels like a wound that won't close.
"I'm getting the healer." Lily is already out of bed.
"No." I force the word out through clenched teeth. "Just cramps. I'm fine."
"Nova, that's not..."
"Please." I look at her and whatever she sees in my face makes her hesitate. "I just need to sleep. It'll pass."
She gets back into bed slowly, but I can feel her watching me in the dark. I lie there curled around the pain as it slowly shifts from sharp to a constant deep ache. The bond is there now whether I want it or not, and through it I can feel Nico feeling the same thing. Can feel his relief that it formed, his guilt over what he did, his desperate hope that maybe this means I'll forgive him.
I hate it. Hate that I'm connected to him now without my consent. Hate that the bond formed just because my body decided he was a mate regardless of what my heart knows about his betrayal.
The books I read didn't mention this. That bonds could form wrong. That they could feel like infection instead of connection.
Eventually the sharp pain fades to something bearable. I uncurl slightly, trying to find a position that doesn't make the ache worse. Through the bond I can feel Nico somewhere in the building, probably in his own room, experiencing this same painful connection.
I close my eyes and try to breathe through it. The bond sits under my ribs like broken glass, and I know with absolute certainty that this is permanent. I'm bound to him now. Partially. Painfully. Whether I want it or not.
Chapter Seventeen
The invitation appears under my door three days after Nico's bond snapped into place, printed on heavy cream cardstock with formal script that announces the Academy's Annual Winter Masquerade as a mandatory event for all students. I stare at it while getting dressed, my body still aching from the broken bond that sits under my ribs like a constant bruise, and wonder how I'm supposed to make it through an entire evening in a ballroom full of people when I can barely make it through a single class without wanting to crawl out of my own skin.
The heat hasn't stopped. If anything, it's gotten worse. The books said peak heat happens around day three, and I'm there now, my body broadcasting something I can't control to every unmated male within range. People look at me differently in the corridors now, conversations stopping when I walk past. Even human students seem to pick up on something being different about me even if they can't name what it is.
Lily helps me get ready because I can't manage the dress on my own. It's hers, borrowed from the back of her closet whereshe keeps the formal things she never wears. Deep green silk that fits better than it should, and when she laces up the back I can feel the fabric against my hypersensitive skin like it's made of something rougher than it actually is.
"You look beautiful," she says, standing back to assess her work. "Like you belong at one of those fancy Council events."
I look at myself in the mirror and barely recognize the girl staring back. The dress makes me look older, more polished, like I know what I'm doing instead of someone who's been stumbling through every day trying not to fall apart. Lily pins my hair up in something that looks effortless but I know took her twenty minutes to perfect, and then hands me the mask.
It's simple. Black silk with delicate silver embroidery around the edges, nothing elaborate or attention-seeking. When I put it on, something shifts. The girl in the mirror becomes someone else, someone who can walk into a ballroom full of people who hate her and pretend she belongs there.
"Ready?" Lily asks, adjusting her own mask.
I'm not ready. I'll never be ready. But I nod anyway because refusing to attend a mandatory event would only make things worse.
The ballroom is on the third floor of the main building, in a space I didn't even know existed until tonight. When we walk through the doors, the sheer scale of it stops me for a moment. High ceilings with crystal chandeliers, walls lined with floor-to-ceiling windows that look out over the dark grounds, and what feels like the entire student body packed into the space in formal wear and masks that range from simple to elaborate.
Music is playing, something classical with strings that makes the whole scene feel like stepping into a different century. Students are dancing, talking in clusters, drinking from crystal glasses that I'm fairly certain contain more than just punch. Themasks give everyone a layer of anonymity that seems to make them bolder, louder, more reckless than they'd be without them.
I can feel eyes on me the second I step into the room. Even with the mask, people know who I am. The girl with no pack. The one Nico betrayed on camera. The one the Dominion has been testing. I'm recognizable even when I'm trying to hide.
Lily squeezes my arm once and looks at me with concern. "Come with me? My friends won't mind."
I can see them across the room, a cluster of girls in pretty dresses who look like they're having fun. Normal students doing normal things. "I'll join you in a bit. Just need a minute."
"You sure? I don't want to leave you alone if you're not feeling well."
"I'm fine. Just hard to be sociable when everything hurts." I manage a smile that I hope looks convincing. "Go. I promise I'll come find you."
She hesitates, then nods and disappears into the crowd. I'm left standing at the edge of the ballroom, trying to make myself invisible, which is impossible when the heat makes me feel like I'm radiating something that draws attention whether I want it or not.
I find a spot against the wall where I can see the whole room but stay out of everyone's path. From here I can watch the dancing, the clusters of students in their formal wear, how the masks turn everyone into strangers even though I know exactly who most of them are.
