I curl my hands into fists. "Fine. Show me."
"Hit me first."
I don't think about it. I just swing, putting my weight behind the punch like I've seen in movies. My fist connects with his ribs and the impact jars up my arm hard enough that I know I'm going to feel it tomorrow.
Knox doesn't even flinch. "Again. Harder."
"I hit you as hard as I could."
"No, you didn't. You pulled it at the last second. Stop being afraid to hurt me and actually commit."
I swing again. This time I don't pull it. My fist slams into the same spot on his ribs and I feel something give slightly. Knox actually grunts, the sound surprised out of him, and when he looks at me there's something in his eyes that might be approval.
"Better."
That's all the warning I get before he moves. One second he's standing still, the next he's grabbed my wrist and spun me. My back hits the wall hard enough to knock the air from my lungs. His hand catches both my wrists and pins them above my head, his other hand braced against the wall beside my face. I'm caged between the stone at my back and Knox in front of me. I can't move.
We're both breathing hard. I can feel sweat cooling on my skin and smell it on him too, mixing with pine and earth and predator. His grip on my wrists is firm enough that I couldn't break it if I tried but not painful. Just completely inescapable.
He leans in slightly and I feel his breath against my neck. Against the exact spot where Caspian had his hand earlier today. "You smell like something I shouldn't touch."
My breath catches. I can feel my pulse hammering everywhere his body is close to mine, which is everywhere that matters.
"Then let me go."
He doesn't move. Doesn't release my wrists or step back. Just stays exactly where he is with his face close enough to my neck that I can feel the heat of him. "I don't think you want me to."
The terrible thing is he's right. My body is responding to his proximity in ways I can't control, in ways that have nothing to do with choice and everything to do with biology I'm only starting to understand. The heat makes everything worse, makes the space between us feel charged with something that's been building since the tower, since he pulled me back from the edge and made me promise not to disappoint him.
But he releases my wrists anyway. Steps back. Puts space between us like it costs him something to do it.
"Keep training," he says, his voice rougher than it was before. "You're going to need it."
He turns and walks toward the door. I stay against the wall because I don't trust my legs to hold me if I try to move. My wrists feel cold where his hand was.
He stops in the doorway without turning around. "I killed something in the forest tonight. A deer. Clean kill."
I don't know what to say to that so I don't say anything.
"Do you want to know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I needed to kill something. And it was either that deer or I was going to come find you."
He walks out before I can process what that means. The door closes. I'm alone in the training hall with the moonlight and the lingering scent of pine and the feeling of his hand on my wrists like a brand.
I slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor. My whole body is shaking. Not from fear, though maybe there should be fear mixed in there somewhere. Knox is dangerous in ways I'm only beginning to understand. But what's making me shake is the realization that I wanted him to kiss me. Wanted him to stop holding back and just close the distance between us and I don't even know him. Don't know anything about him except that he kills things in forests and watches me from shadows and pulled me back from a tower roof when he could have just let me fall.
I don't know how long I sit there. Long enough for my breathing to even out and the shaking to stop. When I finally push myself up and leave the training hall, the moon has moved across the sky and the patterns of light on the floor have changed.
I make it back to my dorm without seeing anyone. Lily is already asleep, curled up in her bed with her back to the room. I change into sleep clothes as quietly as I can and slip into my own bed, pulling the covers up even though I'm still too hot.
Sleep doesn't come. My body is too restless, too aware, too flooded with adrenaline and heat and the memory of Knox's body against mine. I lie there staring at the ceiling, unable to stop noticing I can still smell pine on my skin where he was close to me.
After what feels like hours of lying there, I give up on sleep and get out of bed. The floor is cold under my bare feet. I go to the window and look out at the dark grounds below, needing to see something other than the inside of my own head.
That's when I see him.
