Tomorrow's tutoring session is going to be different.
I just don't know if that terrifies me or excites me more.
Chapter Twelve
It's been three days since Professor Harmon told me everything about me is his concern, three days since I heard him destroy his office after I left, three days of him avoiding me completely in the hallways. I've gone to tutoring twice and both times he's had another professor cover for him. The message is clear. He meant what he said and now he's too terrified to be in the same room with me.
I should be relieved. Instead I feel hollow.
I wake up too hot.
The blankets are suffocating me even though the mountain air coming through the cracked window should be cold enough to keep me comfortable. I kick them off and lie there in my tank top and sleep shorts, staring at the ceiling while sweat cools on my skin. Something is wrong with my body. I've felt off for days now, ever since the tower, ever since Knox pulled me back from the edge and told me not to disappoint him.
Lily's bed across the room is already empty, her covers pulled up neatly as she always does before her early morning run. Theclock on my nightstand says six-thirty, which means I've been lying here sweating for at least an hour before I actually woke up. My sheets are damp. I peel myself out of bed and head for the bathroom.
The shower doesn't help. The water feels too hot even when I turn it all the way to cold, and when I get out my skin is hypersensitive enough that the towel feels rough against it. I dry off carefully, trying not to think about how wrong everything feels. My body has never done this before. I've always healed fast, always been stronger than I should be, but this is different. This is my body actively working against me.
Getting dressed takes longer than it should because every piece of clothing feels wrong. The fabric of my uniform shirt is too scratchy. My bra is too tight. Even my socks feel like they're strangling my feet. I settle on the loosest clothes I can find that still pass for Academy dress code and try to ignore how my skin feels like it's pulled too tight over my bones.
When I look in the mirror, I barely recognize myself. My eyes are brighter than usual, almost feverish. My cheeks are flushed. My lips look darker, fuller, like I've been biting them even though I haven't. I lean closer to the glass and study my reflection, trying to figure out what's changed. It's not just the obvious things. There's something else, something in how I look that I can't quite name.
I think maybe I'm getting sick. That would make sense. I haven't been sleeping enough, haven't been eating regularly, have been pushing my body too hard in those late-night training sessions. Of course something would give eventually. I just can't afford for it to be now.
I head down to breakfast because skipping meals will only make whatever this is worse. The dining hall is already half-full when I get there, and I'm aware of the conversations that pause as I walk past. The video of Nico's betrayal is still circulating.I'm still the girl who believed him, who let herself be played, who cried alone in a stairwell. The fact that I'm still here, still showing up, still refusing to break seems to confuse people more than anything.
I get my food and scan the room for Lily. She's at our usual table near the back. When she sees me coming her face does that thing where her eyebrows go up slightly and her mouth opens like she's about to say something but then thinks better of it. I sit down across from her and start eating my oatmeal even though it tastes like paste.
"Are you feeling okay?" Lily asks after a minute of watching me push food around my bowl. "You look flushed."
"I'm fine. Just warm."
"It's forty degrees outside."
"I know." I take another bite because arguing about it won't help. "I think I might be coming down with something."
Lily leans forward slightly and I can see her nostrils flare like she's trying to smell something. It's such a wolf thing to do that I almost forget she does it. "You smell different," she says, keeping her voice low. "Not bad, just... different."
I don't know what to say to that. I hadn't noticed my own scent changing but then again I wouldn't, would I? I'm too close to it. I just shrug and keep eating because what else can I do?
That's when I feel it. The weight of someone's attention, heavy enough that the back of my neck prickles. I glance up and across the dining hall I can see Knox in his usual corner, sitting alone at a table that could fit six. He's frozen mid-bite, his fork halfway to his mouth, and he's staring at me with an intensity that makes my stomach flip. His nostrils are flared just like Lily's were. His whole body has gone absolutely still in that predator way he has, like he's locked onto prey and the rest of the world has ceased to exist.
I look back down at my food, my heart doing something uncomfortable in my chest. "I should go," I tell Lily quietly.
"You haven't finished eating."
"I'm not hungry anymore."
But before I can stand, I hear movement from the Dominion table. I can't help glancing over. Nico has set down his fork and turned in his seat to look at me. There's something in his expression that I can't read, something that looks like longing mixed with regret mixed with something sharper that might be hunger.
Caspian is beside him. When Nico turns, Caspian's attention follows. I watch him go absolutely rigid, his jaw tightening so hard I can see the muscle jump even from here. His hands flatten on the table like he's physically restraining himself. His eyes find mine across the room and hold, and for a second I forget how to breathe because the look on his face is so intense it feels physical.
I force myself to look away, back down at my oatmeal, at anything except the males who are staring at me like I'm something they can't look away from. My hands are shaking slightly when I pick up my spoon again.
Lily is watching me with concern. "Nova, seriously, what's going on? You look like you're about to pass out and half the room is acting strange."
"I don't know." It's the truth. "I just want to finish breakfast and get to class."
From the faculty table I hear a chair scrape back, loud enough that it makes me glance over despite myself. Professor Harmon is standing abruptly. He sets his coffee cup down with more force than necessary and walks out of the dining hall without finishing his breakfast, without looking at anyone, his shoulders tight and his stride just slightly too fast to be casual.
