"Fine," I manage.
She doesn't look convinced but she doesn't push. Just goes back to getting ready for Emma's birthday thing. Some small gathering in the senior dorms that'll probably run late.
Around eleven pm, after Lily's left and I'm alone, I feel Julian through the bond.
He's outside. Agitated. The emotions bleeding through our connection are sharp and jagged - jealousy, need, possessiveness. He felt what happened with Caspian. Felt me wanting someone else while he has to stay hidden.
I should tell him to go away, should not make this harder on both of us, but instead I open the window and gesture for him to come up.
He climbs the wall like he's done it before and slips through my window without making a sound. The moment he's inside, the bond snaps tight between us and I can feel everything he's feeling. Jealousy so sharp it cuts, need so deep it aches, all tangled up with love and rage and desperation.
"I felt you today," he says quietly, not moving from his spot by the window. "With him. Through the bond. Felt you wanting him."
"Julian..."
"I know this is necessary. The protection. The public claim. Him circling you like you're his." He finally looks at me and his eyes are dark with barely restrained emotion. "But feeling you want him while I have to stay hidden, while I have to pretend you're just another student..." His hands clench at his sides. "It's killing me."
I cross to him and touch his face. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry." He catches my hand and presses it against his chest. His heart is racing. "Just let me have this. Tonight. Hidden in the dark where no one can see. Let me pretend you're only mine."
It's sad and desperate and unfair to both of us, but I need it too, need to feel him and remind myself that Caspian's public claim doesn't erase what Julian and I have.
I pull him to me and kiss him, and he responds immediately. His mouth opens under mine and his hands find my waist, gripping tight like he's afraid I'll disappear. This kiss is different from Caspian's. Less claiming, more claiming back. Julian reminding me who had me first, whose bond was complete before Caspian even looked at me twice.
We move to my bed without breaking contact and he lays me down carefully, following me down. His weight settles over me and I wrap my legs around his hips, pulling him closer.
"We have to be quiet," I whisper. "Lily's at Emma's birthday party but the walls are thin. Other students might hear."
"When will she be back?"
"Not until past two." The added risk makes my pulse spike. "But still."
The reminder of what we're risking, that students in neighboring rooms might hear their professor fucking one of his students, sends heat flooding through me.
He kisses down my throat while his hands slide under my t-shirt, pushing the fabric up. When his mouth closes around my nipple through my sports bra, I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. He's not as rough as Caspian was but every touch is calculated to drive me wild, devastating in a different way.
He knows my body and exactly where to touch, where to kiss, where to apply pressure. He's had me before and he learned what makes me fall apart.
I tug at his jumper and he pulls back just long enough to yank it over his head. The t-shirt underneath comes off with it and then his bare chest is pressing against mine. His skin is hot, muscles flexing under my hands as I explore the planes of his body.
His hands find the waistband of my leggings and I lift my hips so he can pull them down along with my underwear. The cool air hits my exposed skin and I shiver. He settles back between my thighs, still wearing his jeans. The rough denim against my bare pussy makes me gasp.
"You're overdressed," I manage.
"I know." He grinds against me and I can feel how hard he is through the fabric. "But I want to taste you first."
He doesn't wait for permission. His mouth trails down my stomach and then he's between my legs, tongue sliding through my folds. I arch off the bed and press my hand over my mouth, catching the moan before it escapes.
He circles my clit with his tongue, then slides lower to taste me fully. The wet sounds of his mouth on me fill the quiet room and I'm grateful the walls aren't paper thin. When he adds his fingers, sliding two inside me while his tongue works my clit, my thighs start shaking.
"So wet already," he breathes against my pussy, voice rough with need. "Is this from him or me?"
"You," I gasp, even though we both know it's a lie. Even though I'm still aching from Caspian's hands on me hours ago.
He doesn't call me on it. Just curls his fingers to find that spot inside me that makes my vision go white. I buck against his mouth and he has to hold my hips down to keep me still. His tongue flicks faster and his fingers work deeper, stretching me.
A moan builds in my throat and I turn my head to the side, burying the sound in the crook of my elbow. The student/teacher dynamic, the forbidden nature of this, the risk of being caught - it all adds edge to the pleasure building inside me.
