Dummkopf.
My parents are smiling, like I’m adorable.
I wish Mateo were here.
I wish he were beside me, holding my hand.
But I can’t ask him to take a day off to do that.
Oh, God.
He already took days off to look after me. Were those vacation days? Everyone knows that Americans have hardly any vacation days. Did he spend them on me when he could be lounging around his apartment or traveling back to Puerto Rico to sun himself with his extended family or look at fall leaves in New Hampshire or whatever else is more fulfilling than telling a brain-damaged athlete whom he feels sorry for that he’s impressive for remembering where the remote control is while doing spontaneous improv with his sister?
What must Gina think? My skin burns.
“Are you okay?” Dr. Davis asks.
He looks worried, which isn’t good.
I inhale. The whole point of this is to be medically cleared so that I am on the path to playing again in six weeks. My job depends on it. My very excellent job that I very much want to keep and that gives me proximity to Mateo.
Not that that should be a factor.
I force myself to meet Dr. Davis’s concerned eyes. “I am fine, yes.”
“Okay. Good.” Dr. Davis launches into an explanation of head trauma, before he has me do some tests. Apparently, my case is very unusual.
I go from fluorescent room to fluorescent room, the cheap vinyl tiles perfect for unexpected bodily fluid occurrences, as machines beep around me.
I hate it.
I want to be back at work.
I miss Mateo.
I should have touched him last night, I know I should have. And hewashard. I saw it when he was kneeling between my legs. I saw how his erection jutted out, how his trousers didn’t quite hide it. I was focusing on it when I came. Imagining a me who would insist that he unziphis trousers and then do all the fancy hand things that he was doing that made me feel so incredible. Maybe I would put it in my mouth.
Oh, God. I want to put it in my mouth so badly.
And Mateo’s cock would be perfect for that. Not too big. Not choking me. I could just lie next to him and suck him and—oh God, that would be so amazing.
But then I came and then he was apologizing to me—which, well, didn’t make sense, and then he was bouncing around and cleaning me, and when I checked his trousers again the erection was gone.
I missed my chance.
But he made me feel so good, and I don’t think I could have made him feel as good. And he needed to go home to his sister and…
Well, then I was alone in my empty apartment missing a man who has already given me so much.
A nurse gives me a strange look, and I realize she asked me something.
“I am sorry,” I apologize. “Please repeat the question.”
I make my accent extra thick, so she thinks my English is weak and not that I am still very brain damaged.
At least I will see Mateo tonight.
Mateo is pacing in front of the restaurant when we arrive. He sends me a relieved smile when he sees us.
