The pharmacy worker proceeds hastily down the aisle, at a rhythm closer to running than normally used.
“He is a very healthy man,” Florian says to me.
“Yes.” I double my steps, trying to keep up with Florian’s long steps and the man’s quickened ones. “He, uh, works in a pharmacy.”
“Perhaps I should ask him about his opinion on vitamins later.”
“We should probably just buy the, uh, items, and go back.”
Florian looks sad. “I don’t think my memory will return that quickly.”
“I-I know. I meant—” The room heats. Maybe the pharmacy worker has led me straight to hell. But that can’t be right, because Florian is beside me, and I already know there is no sweeter man than him. How could I have ever misjudged him?
“So these are our condoms.” The pharmacy worker gestures to his right.
I grab a small box quickly. “Thanks.”
“We require an enema kit and lubricant.” Florian eyes the condoms. “And your nicest condoms.” He takes the condom box from my hand. “I assume the highest quality condoms do not have the store’s name and the word ‘bargain’ on them?”
My face heats.
“Well, uh, you’re right,” the pharmacy worker says finally. “Generally the cheapest products are not also the highest quality.” He gives an odd high-pitched laugh. “But that would be convenient.”
Florian nods solemnly. “It would indeed be.” He eyes the long row of condoms. “What would feel the nicest?”
“It’s really not important,” I say.
Florian shakes his head. “Of course, your happiness is important. You will have a piece of plastic squeezing you.” He frowns the frown of a man who has no interest in topping and shakes his head.
“Oh, you’ll be the one who—” The man looks at me. His eyebrows move up, then he calms his expression—somewhat—and shoots me a smile. “Well, uh, thin is probably what he wants then.”
“Excellent.”
“And then it’s just a matter of size. How long is your?—”
“Thirteen centimeters,” Florian says instantly. He winks at me. “I was paying attention.”
“Thirteen?” The pharmacy worker gasps and steps back. “That’s?—”
“Centimeters are smaller than inches,” I say. “It’s, uh, a European practice I believe.”
“Oh, no. Most of the world uses centimeters,” Florian says.
“Well, why wouldn’t you if you can have a bigger number?” the pharmacy worker says.
“The rest of the world is wise sometimes,” Florian says, as the pharmacy worker takes out his phone and does a calculation.
He beams. “I’m thirteen centimeters too! Wait until I tell my wife!”
“Cool,” I murmur.
“You want a regular fit,” the pharmacy worker says. “Though actually they sometimes can be labeled classic or snug fit too. It depends on the brand.”
“We want the best brand,” Florian says.
The pharmacy worker removes an expensive box and handsit to Florian.
“We want a lot of condoms.”
