This.
What happened in the dark, always came to the light no matter how long or hard a person tried to conceal the ugly truth.
Luca was the first man besides her father that she felt comfortable enough to break down in front of. Kentrell used her emotions against her, so she learned early on not to show them. She knew now was the wrong time to let her tears flow free. None of it mattered because she was officially tired of fighting for her own survival.
“Why didn’t you?” Luca whispered quietly.
“Why did you let me—” He cut his own words short, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, holding back a confession that he was sure she was aware of.
You let me fall for you…He thought.
Luca rolled his jaw then clenched it. His grip on the gun tightened, knuckles whitening just enough to show he wasn’t unbothered by this as he wanted to seem. Seeing La’Nova broken down did something to him. He fought his own urges; the main urge was him wanting to wipe the tears that decorated her pretty face. His lips tingled from picturing himself kissing them away.
“I killed Dontrell.” Her voice didn’t shake nor crack this time. It was the confession she thought Luca wanted to hear although he already knew now.
Luca’s brow twitched slightly.
“In cold blood.” She steadied her aim on him but still couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger. “I looked him in his eyes andpulled the fucking trigger.” She closed her eyes, her arm started to sting from keeping it outward and directed at Luca.
Pain flickered across Luca’s face. Seconds later he rested it, staring back at her with no emotions, but on the inside he felt the kind of rage that had the ability to break a person down until there was nothing left of them.
“I didn’t feel shit when I did it?—”
“Watch it!” Luca’s voice boomed. His raspy voice broke through his whisper.
“NO!” La’Nova yelled.
She kicked her legs over the edge of her bed, knocking down her markers and the papers she carefully colored to face Luca fully.
“Your father and Lennox cost me my fucking parents when I was nine years old over a fucking debt that my father owed.” She took in a sharp breath.
It felt like the space in between them had started to spin.
“Dontrell killed my fucking father while Lennox raped then killed my fucking mommy.” Her voice didn’t rise; it tore.
It ripped straight from the center of her chest like something long buried had finally clawed its way out.
“They killed my fucking parents!” She said it like she had finally realized what the two men did to ruin her life.
“Lennox took me to my room, offered me my first fucking cigarette then went down stairs and violated my heart in the worse way possible!” She screamed, the words cracked apart as they left her mouth, splintering under the weight of years she had tried to swallow whole.
Her hands trembled as she dropped the gun. Her breathing came in too fast then shallow like her body had forgotten how to exist in the present. Because now, she didn’t feel like she was there with Luca anymore. In her mind, the walls to her camper shrunk. The air thickened, and suddenly she felt like the nine-year-old girl trapped in her room with a cigarette burning between her small lips.
The memory slammed into her. The sound. The silence after. The way the world had split clean down the middle and never stitched itself back together. La’Nova was no longer looking at Luca, she was looking through him, into something she could only see.
“After my parents were killed, Lennox came up to my room and hit me in the center of my forehead with an axe.” She swayed from side to side while saying the words lowly.
Luca didn’t even realize that he lowered his gun. He sat up at the edge of his seat, heart pounding viciously. The sound of his gun hitting the camper floor as he slowly lowered down to his knees to crawl over to La’Nova sounded distant in her ears.
“I don’t even remember receiving medical help.” She chuckled warily through her tears. “I don’t know how long I was out of it or if I was violated during what felt like a long ass nightmare.” She looked down at her trembling hands.
“I can’t even tell you when I lost my fuckin’ virginity either or how many men I’ve been with.”
Luca’s hands grabbed each side of her thighs. He softly laid his head against her bosom, letting his hands trail underneath her nightgown to the low dip of her back.
“I woke up in a room full of young girls that looked just like me… broken little girls with their own set of scars.” She inhaled sharply then rested her head weakly against the top of his head.
Luca’s strong, big hands kneaded at the tension locked into her shoulders then neck. The sensation felt painfully good as he worked her over. He didn’t care about her killing his father in the moment. All he cared about was comforting her like she did him when he spilled his guts to Lucille in his office.
