Nervously, Serenity shifted her weight then looked down at the floor. She waited patiently for her number one teacher to scold her and teach her something valuable.
“A man like Lucille Bonetti’s son, don’t want cute. He doesn’t want loud nor a woman who only knows how to look good and wait for instructions… You don’t bring shit to the table but yourself and that’s a major problem.” La’Nova shook her head. Keeping it brutally real was something she did with every woman inside of House of Angels.
“You don’t know who the fuck you are…so you gon’ starve at a table full of demons. You should have politely declined and went on about your damn business. You don’t know how to play that particular role. You’ll end up losing yourself even more, Renity.” La’Nova shook her head, highly disappointed in Serenity but this was nothing new.
“I know how to play whatever role that’s presented to me.” Serenity’s jaw tightened.
“Yeah, we all know this about you. Even Lucille, that’s why she offered you to her son. You smile when told, sit pretty and don’t ask enough questions. You just grateful to be a well-paid hoe.” La’Nova words sounded like venom to Serenity.
Her eyes watered and she quickly blinked her waterworks away. La’Nova never sugarcoated shit to her. As mean as she talked to everyone, Serenity appreciated La’Nova’s realness. She was the only person willing to give her the coldest reality checks.
“You talk like you above this.” Serenity frowned.
“I’m not above shit.”I just want my freedom,La’Nova thought. “I survived it and now I try to think beyond it.” She stepped back, giving Serenity enough space to breathe.
“A made man don’t want to save you. He wants peace. Loyalty. A woman who adds, not just take. If you walk in there empty, he gon’ feel it…they always do… and if he anything like the worse kind of made man, he will break you. Make you his fuckin’ lap dog. You’ll be on your knees every day waiting to see what’s his next request. He will not try to please you, and before you know it your life will be miserable as your past life,” she warned.
“You think I’m empty?” Serenity asked, emotions on full display now.
La’Nova studied Serenity. Her eyes roamed her perfect body and the way her eyes searched hers for some sort of approval that she wasn’t going to give her. It was sad to La’Nova how women like Serenity thought of themselves. La’Nova understood why Serenity was the way that she was, with low self-esteem, self-doubt, and so much more to add to the pitiful list. What frustrated La’Nova the most was how Serenity had all the tools to leave, yet she refused each time it was presented to her.
How much uplifting does this bitch need to see that she’s above this shit? What will it take for her to actually get on and don’t look back?
“I think…” La’Nova said softly. “You been taught your worth is how much a man can spend on you…and that’s a lie that keeps you broke in ways money can’t ever fix.”
Serenity swallowed.
“You don’t know me like you think you do, La’Nova,” she muttered.
“Then tell me why you always look relieved when a man with money chooses you.”
“Because I get tired,” Serenity admitted sadly, her voice was barely audible. “Tired of feeling like if I don’t look like this, act like this…I’m nothing.” Her voice wavered.
“I’m not smart…I don’t feel special. I feel replaceable. Like any other girl with a body like mine could be me.”
La’Nova’s expression softened, not with pity but understanding.
“That’s why I’m telling you, your role ain’t to be somebody’s accessory. Your role is freedom. Purpose. Something that still belongs to you when the lights go off and the man walks out.”
Serenity sniffed then carefully dabbed underneath her eyes.
“It’s all easy for you to say…you always act like you got everything figured out.” Serenity smiled weakly.
“I figure shit out, day by day.” She looked into Serenity’s eyes seriously.
“You ain’t dumb…you just haven’t told yourself to do more and do more for you. You’re too scared to challenge yourself. I don’t give advice for nothing, Serenity. I give it to you because you have the perfect opportunity to be more, have more, and do more.” La’Nova turned away from Serenity and strutted back to her desk with a heavy heart.
She opened her desk drawer, pulled out her mini black fan and held it up right to her face.
“I’ll be fine. I can figure it out after I marry him.” She shrugged with her mind made up.
La’Nova simply nodded her head then fought off her own urges to light another damn cigarette. She looked at the butt of her cigarette and noticed that the sponge tip started to crackle; quickly, she placed it inside of her crystal ashtray. La’Nova glanced up at Serenity and sighed.
“I hope so.” La’Nova chuckled dryly. “Just remember, being chosen ain’t the same as being valued.” She waved Serenity off.
She powered on her computer to check through the company emails.
“Love you, La’Nova,” Serenity said in a low tone.
