“Can Haven time-travel?” Mercy gasps.
“Not exactly,” Sullivan says. “We don’t know the full scope of her powers, but we suspect that she can do a lot more than we think.”
“Idris said that I was correcting something from the future, and that I don’t remember what it was.”
“That was your mother’s theory,” he supplies. “She was a researcher after all.”
Silence swells between us. The more I train, the better I will get at learning my gifts. Right now, I can barely pause time for longer than five minutes. Or bring people into the time-freeze without touching them. Maybe, if I get stronger, we might have a chance to overthrow the regime.
“They messed with Ender’s Bind,” I say. “They altered his emotions. Can we fix him?”
“The upgraded Bind locks his emotions. The medical term isemotional dampening. That means he will do anything he is asked to do. He will murder and maim and destroy without a single hint of remorse. He will hunt you because that’s what he’s been instructed to do.”
“But he’s still in there,” I insist.
When I left, for a split second, I could have sworn I saw desperation in his eyes. Hewantedme to stay. And I left him.
“No,” he says, gently, as if I am glass that will break at the faintest pressure. “As long as he has the Bind, he belongs to the regime.”
When he finally leaves, the room feels unbearably silent. His words play in a loop in my mind.
Mercy sits on her bed, legs folded beneath her. Worry flutters across her eyes.
“So,” she says. “We’re in rebel headquarters. You can time-travel. And the world is probably ending.”
I lie back on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.
“Did you ever think we’d be in this position?” Mercy asks.
“No,” I say. “I don’t feel like a hero. I want to help, but I feel so inadequate.”
Everyone thinks I am this powerful Untamed who will change the outcome of this war, but it doesn’t feel that way. Failure chokes me, coiling its icy hands around my flesh. All my friends are dead. And it was all for nothing. I am not a part of Black Star. Winning brought me nothing but pain and torment.
I losteverything.
I cross the small room and sink to the ground, my back flat against the wall.
“Whatever happens, you’re going to survive,” Mercy says. “You are the strongest person I know.”
“And Ender?” I ask. “He needs my help, Mercy. I have to go back for him.”
My fingers nervously toy with my mother’s necklace. The only piece of her I have left, thanks to Ender.
“Where did you get that?” Mercy asks, straightening her spine. “Is that mother’s necklace?”
I glance down at it. Lips tilting in a faint smile.
“Ender found it for me,” I whisper.
Mercy hesitates.
“Do you love him?”
The question surprises me, because it isn’t one I have ever thought about.
I shift uncomfortably. Not prepared to study the weight of my feelings.
“Why are you asking me that?” I whisper.
