I should be furious. She lied to me. Hid what she was. She used her powers again. To the untrained eye, it was impossible to see, but I saw the moment she saved the girl from the blade. Despite the rules, she protected her opponent.
Haven chose the rebels over the life I offered her. She betrayed me. I should have her punished and executed. I should erase her from my mind and move on with my life. But I am trapped, held prisoner by my crippling need. Even if I carved out my heart, it would still beat for her, and in her absence, it would shrivel. I reckon there is no worse fate than to desire someone so consumingly, so violently that you grow sick from it. That is the only thing that explains how ragged and miserable I’ve felt as oflate, suffering to capture a scrape of her attention, raging over rodents like Sullivan, thinking about her ceaselessly.
It’s also why I haven’t broached the subject of the Bind with her. I know she will reject it. And I don’t have the strength to force her, not if it means I lose her in the process.
She looks so small like this, folded in on herself, shaking and frightened. A broken sound slips from her throat, raw and unguarded.
Her forest eyes are dark and glassy when she looks at me. Tears trickle down her cheeks, falling like pearls.
“Go away,” Haven says hoarsely.
Something splinters in my chest. I crouch despite myself, unable to abandon her during her time of need. Her hands are clenched so tight her knuckles have gone white.
“You made us do this,” she cries suddenly, fury cutting through the grief. “It wasn’t enough to win. We had to kill each other. This is all your fault!”
“Nobody can know about this unit,” I explain. “You all knew the risks when you joined.”
“You’re a monster,” she spits. “I hate you so much. I wish it were you on that stretcher and not them.”
Her words should harden me, but instead, they hurt. It cuts through my shields like a knife, wounding me in the process.
“I hate you, too,” I snap. “I never lied to you. Not once. And all you’ve done since we met is deceive me.”
How dare she look at me like I betrayed her, when she knew exactly who I was from the start? I never claimed to be good. Never pretended that my hands were clean.Sheis the one who crafted a web of lies.Sheis the dishonest one.
“What would happen if I lost?” Haven asks. “Would you bury me beside the others?”
My fingers drift along her cheek.
“I would never watch you fail,” I say.
Haven sucks in a breath. As if she didn’t expect that response, but how could she not? Does she not see how much I care for her? I am riskingeverythingto protect her.
“So, their lives are worthless to you?” she asks coldly. “You would let them die, but you would save me.”
“I wouldalwayssave you,” I admit. “It doesn’t matter how the story unfolds. You will always be my undoing, my downfall, the one thing I shouldn’t claim, and yet I desire so deeply it hurts.”
Haven stares at me with a wary look. She blames me for the death of her comrades. And my confession does not soothe her; it frightens her.
“Everyone I love is taken from me,” she whispers. “I have nothing.” Her voice sharpens. “You and your father are poison. This entire Continent is rotten. You treat us all terribly. Like we are replaceable. You are not fit to lead us.”
An applause cuts through the air like a gunshot.
I straighten, prepared to scold whoever dared to interrupt us. My blood runs cold when my father steps into the drill hall in a charcoal suit. His inky hair is swept away from his face. Dark eyes locked onto mine. There are four capital enforcers behind him, and to his left is Ansel.
The Supreme Director hasn’t visited the Forge in years, not since my graduation ceremony. Seeing him here feels wrong, like a god descending from the skies to walk amongst the mortals. Fear strikes me at his calm demeanor and the dry amusement in his eyes.
He heard her vitriol against the regime, against him. And he will kill her for it.
I rise abruptly and press a fist to my chest in respect.
“We weren’t expecting you, sir,” I say.
Haven stands shakily, blood staining her cheek, and copies my greeting. I move forward slightly, blocking her from his vision.
“What a passionate speech,” he says slowly. “Just the words we aim to hear from the newest member of Black Star.”
Ansel’s mouth twitches. For weeks, he has been waiting to prove me unfit. He probably called my father and tattled on me. It is the only thing that explains this surprise visit.
