Bridie gaped at her. Had Kate just called herself an idiot?
‘I want to support my family, I do, but I always have to try and be the best at everything, like it’s some sort of competition. Andy was happy to be the stay-at-home dad, as I had the degree, and Icould earn more. But I was just full of my own bravado, working in a high-powered job, for the status, the kudos, thinking it made me so special – when all it made me feel was miserable. I never ever thought about what would really make me happy – like you did, Bridie, working in theatre. I envied you that so much.’
If that was how she’d been feeling all along, Bridie wondered if it wasn’t just that Bridie was her dad’s favourite that had made Kate bitter and resentful towards her little sister. It was also because Bridie had been living the life of her dreams. And Kate had not – far from it, by the sounds of things.
‘I was so dog-tired at the end of the working week, all I wanted was a bottle of wine, soaks in the bath, and to disappear into my childhood with long hacks on a horse from a local stables. I wasn’t interested in the kids one bit. What a horrible mother I’ve been.’
Bridie did not know what to say. She had thought Kate was happy. She had thought her life was perfect. She said as much.
‘Nobody’s life is perfect behind closed doors, Bridie. But mine was a lot less perfect than most, I imagine. I wish we’d bought a lower-key house, with a smaller mortgage, and we’d both worked so that I didn’t have to do such a high-powered job with such long hours.’
‘You could have shared the childcare when the children were younger,’ Bridie said, even though she knew she wasn’t being helpful. That was all in the past now. Or was it? ‘Have you thought about doing that now?’
‘How do you mean?’
Bridie shrugged. ‘You could both work locally from now on. It would mean lower-paid work for you, but with two incomes coming in …’ Bridie trailed off.
Kate nodded. ‘I’ve even thought about selling up and downsizing. That would reduce the mortgage.’
‘But you love that house. It’s what you were working for.’
‘Yes, but I was hardly around to enjoy it – or spend time with Layla and George. I wish Andy and I had thought of doing this years ago. I feel I’ve missed out on so much.’
Bridie wouldn’t dispute that. She said, ‘Why carry on missing out? You’ve got a job now, a future here with us.’
Kate smiled. ‘I just want to do what makes me happy. I’ve done what Mum said and taken a leaf out of your book.’
‘But she didn’t say that, did she? About doing what makes you happy. She just said …’
‘I know, I was talking about taking a leaf out of your book, and not caring what other people think, and just following my dreams.’
By other people, Bridie knew she was talking about their parents. She leaned forward and hugged her sister, realising that it wasn’t that Kate didn’t like her, as she’d thought – it was that she envied her for being true to herself.
Bridie said, ‘What would you really like to do? What is your dream?’
Kate didn’t take long to think about it. ‘I’d love to work with horses.’
Bridie was not in the least bit surprised.
‘But I don’t see how. In fact …’ Kate’s face fell, ‘I don’t know how I’ll even afford to continue riding.’
‘I do. Now you’re working locally, and you don’t have the daily commute, you could volunteer at the local stables, maybe get a free ride after helping out. You’d still be around the horses, and who knows where it might lead?’
Kate grinned. ‘I never thought of that.’
‘What about Andy? Has he had any thoughts about what he could do?’ Bridie asked.
Kate shook her head. ‘He’s been out of work for years. I think that’s going to be a problem.’
Bridie had an idea. ‘Hannah is going to need more help in her bridal business.’
‘Yes, she said she’d get another shop assistant at some point.’
‘Well, what about Andy?’
‘Andy? In a bridal shop? Not to state the obvious – but he’s a guy.’
‘Yes, and guys go to bridal shops to be fitted for their outfits too.’
