“So I did something right?”
I huffed in exasperation at how he still wasn’t truly listening, even now. He only seemed to hear the things he wanted to hear. Like he was tallying up a pros and cons list. “You might have made the right choice, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that it wasfor the wrong reason. Every time, you chose what you thought was best. Sometimes you were right, sometimes you were wrong—but you never stopped to think about whatIwanted at all. In fact, you ignored my feelings every time. I thought the horse deal showed that you had good intentionsandwere willing to compromise. But you never changed your mind. You just changed tactics. And I fell for it.”
I was so angry at him, but equally disgusted with myself for trusting him, for being deceived by him. I considered myself a smart, independent woman. How had I let a man manipulate me into a relationship where I held no authority for a second time in my life? And I couldn’t blame this one on youthful gullibility. I’d walked right into it despite my experience.
“At least I’m trying to make our relationship a success,” he insisted. “When I see something’s not working for us, I try to fix it.”
“No,” I said. “You try to control itandus.” And I’d let him by not confronting him. By not even seeing his actions for what they were.
“That’s better than what you do,” he said, making me raise my eyebrow in challenge. “Whenever things get difficult, you back off—like you’re giving up. It’s like you want to drive home the point that you don’t need me.”
“Idon’tneed you,” I declared. “That’s the point. People get together because they love and care for each other and not because of what they can get from the other person.” I stopped myself from going on. This was spiraling out of control. We both stood there, chests heaving in anger. Talking wasn’t going to make this better. Not right now, when we were both hurting andfurious. “It’s best if I leave.” I moved to get in my truck, but he got in front of me again. “Get out of my way, Jake.”
“Please. Don’t drive now. You’re upset, and that’s not good for you or the baby. Let’s calm down. Would you just hear me out a little longer?” He must have assumed my silence was permission. “I know we’re both stressed with the baby coming, but can’t you see that I care for you and our child? That’s why being practical with Twister matters so much to me.”
“You view your actions as practical?” How had he somehow convinced himself of that?
“Yeah, of course. I need to be a good provider for the baby, and that means making my business as successful as possible. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings, but I need to take care of the ranch, so I can take care of my child. He or she will inherit this place. I’ve got to be a good steward of the land so I can pass it to the next generation. And I can’t be the one who lets this place go from excellent and profitable to just okay. I’d be letting down my dad, Luke, and my child if I allowed that to happen.”
“Jake,” I started and stopped as a sudden blinding clarity hit me. He was aching in his own way, caught between the past and the future, which had completely taken away his present, and he didn’t even realize it. He saw himself as a steward, not the owner, of Thorne Ranch.
He didn’t view it as something trulyhis.Instead, he seemed to expect his father or late brother or future generations to step forward and hold him accountable for every choice that he made. With that mindset, it was no wonder he wasn’t willing to listen to me—that he didn’t even seem to be willing to listen to himself or his own instincts.
Understanding where he was coming from didn’t do a thing to fix the situation, though. Nothing would change until he got over that mindset, and no matter what I said, he’d be too damn stubborn to see it. The fight went out of me, leaving just sadness for him, for me, for our baby. I could see now that he did mean well, but there was so much at stake here.
“Jake, I know you’re going to be a great dad, but I need more than that. I need a partner, someone who will listen to me and share responsibility.”Someone who’ll see the whole picture instead of getting locked in tunnel vision over a dead man’s expectations,I thought but didn’t say. I didn’t think he was ready to hear that yet. Maybe he never would be.
“You take over and make decisions,” I explained, “and in that process, you’ll do whatyouthink is best for me, even if it directly contradicts what I tell you I need. My mom lived that existence, and I won’t. I won’t, Jake,” I repeated.
“What are you saying?” he asked. “Are you saying we’re through? I don’t want that. Please, give us another chance. I’ll try to listen better in the future. I’ll try to be what you need.”
“You can say that, but are you willing to say you were wrong to do any of those things I listed? Can you see why hauling me into the urgent care center wasn’t the right thing to do? Can you see why your plan for Twister upset me? Maybe if you can admit to being wrong or give me a genuine apology, we can try again.” I paused, waiting for him to speak, but he didn’t. “You can’t do it, can you?”
“I did what I thought was best,” he said. “I’m not going to lie to you and try to claim otherwise.”
“So that’s a no?” I asked. When he nodded, I marveled at his stubbornness, but my path was clear. “Then, itisover between us. We’re neighbors and we can be friends of a sort and we can figure out a way to raise our child cooperatively, but we can’t be more than that.” I’d talk to Declan about taking over the Thorne contract for vet services. I didn’t think I could deal with working with him after all this.
I was going to have to make a clean break and walk away, but first…I stepped closer, resting my hands on his shoulders, and kissed him. The kiss held none of the passion we could stir in each other, but it contained no anger either. Just grief for what we were both losing.
“Bye, Jake.”
I got in my truck and drove off without looking back. I managed to make it home before the tears swamped me. I let the dogs out. Instead of running off to find a rabbit to chase, they crowded up against me. I stumbled to the barn to give Ally her meal and grabbed some oat treats to give to the other horses.
Magellan was waiting for me on a fence post when I shut the barn doors, and he leaped to my shoulder and wrapped his tail around my neck like Izzy would do. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d done this and it startled me so much that I stumbled, causing him to hop down with a meow of indignation.
“Sorry, my friend. I wasn’t expecting that. Come on, let’s go inside. I’ve got some freeze-dried chicken for all of you.” I knew he didn’t understand me, but at the mention of chicken, he perked up and ran ahead, meeting me on the porch. Fay and Wellington were also waiting, and I could see Izzy in the window, as if she were trying to get me to hurry up.
I needed some normalcy, so I fed them all and went to check on Pocket. Even he seemed concerned about me as I sniffled my way through cleaning up his enclosure. I cut up some pieces of apple and shook two dried mealworms into the mix before setting it down for him. He dove into the treats, happily chewing away.
Opening the fridge, I stared inside and then shut it. I didn’t have an appetite and I worried that if I forced myself to eat, I’d only throw it up. I turned off all the downstairs lights and made my way upstairs, passing the future nursery. The sunny yellow of the room should’ve made me smile, but all I felt was a strong sense of loss.
In my bedroom, I peeled off most of my clothes, leaving them where I dropped them, and pulled the blankets back so I could crawl into bed.
My animal friends had always been good to me, but never more so than now. I lay on my bed with my cats on either side of me and my dogs at my feet. Just having them with me made me feel less alone, but I missed Jake. I wanted Jake, but I also knew that I’d done the right thing. There was no future for us.
THIRTY-THREE
JAKE
