God, I wanted more, so much more of her.
I was eager to make love to her again, but something held me back. Some worry that I couldn’t dislodge. She already had pull over me in ways I hadn’t expected. She made me question things that I’d believed for years about myself and how I ran the ranch. Julia was like an electrical storm sweeping through. Being with her was exhilarating, but it left me unsettled at the same time.
I broke away from the kiss and gently shifted her before sitting up and struggling to right my world. One glance at her, at her kiss-swollen lips, nearly undid me. I had to force myself away.
“We’ve both got early mornings,” I said, putting my feet on the ground and hoping it would anchor me. “I’ll take you home.”
“Jake?” Her voice was soft, questioning. I didn’t want her to think for one second that she was undesirable, but I also couldn’t risk explaining how badly I wanted her.
I couldn’t speak, so I gestured with my hands for her to scoot onto the tailgate where I could pick her up. Carrying a woman brought her in close contact. That was a fact. It didn’t have to mean anything. It was just the way it was. I told myself that until I got her safely in the cab of my truck.
“Jake,” she repeated, this time a little more forcefully.
I made myself look at her in the dim glow of the interior light. She was tousled and kissable and I wanted her so badly, I ached.
I stepped back, closing her door, and took my time folding up the blanket and shutting the tailgate. I needed a minute in the cooling night air away from her, so I could make sure I knew which end was up.
We listened to the radio as we drove home, but neither one of us sang or tried to talk. When we reached her ranch, I retrieved her crutches and made sure she got safely inside, but then I had to go. She gave me a small smile but made no attempt to stop me.
I spent the next few days helping Julia and keeping up with the work on my ranch. I generally could control the pace of my days, but I deliberately set out to make them exhausting so that at night I dropped off to a sound sleep without seeing Julia’s face inmy dreams and kicking myself for the lost opportunity to be with her.
Julia deserved someone who would give her the attention she deserved. At best, I could share part of myself with her, but it wouldn’t be enough. The ranch would also come first for me, no matter who I was with, and that wouldn’t be fair to her.
When she got the all-clear on her ankle and I was no longer needed at her ranch, I felt a sense of loss, which didn’t get any better during the first thirty-six hours without her. Not that I was counting or anything. I wasn’t constantly reliving that kiss under the stars every second I wasn’t busy. Nope, not me.
I had to shake it off, so I decided that I could do with a drink and some guy talk. I arranged to meet my brothers and Rafael at the Roundup. It was the first time Cal and I would be there together since I took a swing at him back before the charity rodeo.
When I’d found out that he’d upset Amy, I’d seen red and had gone looking for him to give him a piece of my mind. That had turned into a brawl, which concluded with the two of us spending the night in one of Brian’s jail cells. Definitely not my finest moment but I didn’t regret it at the time—and if the situation were to come up again, I didn’t think I’d hesitate to do it again.
When I arrived, they already had beers in front of them and were deep in conversation about something.
“What’s going on?” I asked as I joined them.
“The great textbook battle continues,” Cal said. “Gail came to town.”
Rafael had filed a complaint over some missing historical events pertinent to Colorado history and had waged a campaign against the textbook publisher to get them to include it in the next edition. Rafe felt strongly that it was his duty as a high school history teacher to present his students with the fullest possible picture of past events. His contact was the very same Gail, and from what I’d heard, the two had engaged in a verbal sparring match via phone and email.
“Walked right into school during our district curriculum meeting.” Rafael shook his head.
“Apparently, the pictures on Facebook didn’t lie,” Brian said, filling in what Rafe didn’t say. “All reports agree that she’s a knockout.”
“We already knew that,” I said remembering the night not too long ago when Rafe showed us pictures he’d found of her online.
“Yeah, but in person…” Raf downed half his beer in one swallow.
“What did you say to her?” Cal asked.
“I invited her back to my classroom and pulled out several sources so she could see what’s missing from the textbook that her company is trying to pass off as comprehensive.” Rafe signaled the server for another pitcher for the table and kept talking about Gail and what he’d said to her.
I soon gave up trying to follow the conversation. My brothers were both responding, and that was enough. I let it fade out along with the background noises of the bar as I thought about Julia. I’d wanted to stop by her place on my way into town, but I’d had no excuse. When could I go again? Would tomorrow be okay for a friendly check-in? Or would she be insulted, assuming I thought she couldn’t handle things on her own?
Shit. She had me tied up in knots. I didn’t know what I wanted with her, but I didn’t want to risk what had developed between us by expecting too much.
“Have you ever liked a woman so much you didn’t want to sleep with her?” I blurted out, interrupting what Rafael was saying.
Rafe, Cal and Brian swung their gazes toward me. Rafe’s was a tiny bit amused while Cal seemed as if he wasn’t sure whether he should reply, but Brian’s expression was worried.
“Is this a woman who is available or not?” Brian asked.
