“Oh,” Jasper says slowly. “Ohhh.”
Theo nods, the penny finally dropping. “Right.”
“I don’t mean sometimes,” I add, because, at this point, I might as well burn the last scraps of my pride. “I mean every time. With different women. Different situations. Different levels of alcohol. Nothing.”
Jasper lets out a low whistle. “Okay. Yeah. That is… clearer.”
“There’s nothing medically wrong,” I say quickly. “Doctor checked everything. Bloods. Tests. The full awkward experience. Physically I’m in perfect working order.”
Theo nods. “That’s good, at least.”
“And,” I add, because apparently we’re doing full disclosure now, “I still get morning wood. According to the doctor, that means it’s a mental block rather than a physical one.”
Jasper’s face brightens, the way it always does when he thinks he’s cracked a problem.
“Well,” he says, “have you considered just sleeping with women in the morning then?”
I stare at him.
Theo doesn’t even look at Jasper. “No.”
“What?” Jasper says. “I’m just saying. If it works then—”
“No,” Theo repeats, sharper this time. “That is not helpful. Or practical. Or remotely how people live.”
“I’m brainstorming,” Jasper protests.
“You’re being an idiot,” Theo says calmly.
I snort despite myself. “Thank you.”
Jasper sighs. “Fine. But objectively, the logic—”
“Stop,” Theo says. “Before you suggest alarms andspreadsheets.”
“That was my next thought.”
Theo turns to me instead. “The morning thing just means your body’s capable. Not that you should be rearranging your entire life around erections.”
“Shame,” I say. “I was really looking forward to scheduling intimacy like a dentist appointment.”
Jasper perks up again. “I could make you a timetable.”
“I will throw you out,” Theo says without missing a beat.
Jasper raises his hands. “Alright. Alright. Point taken.”
The game swells again on the telly, crowd roaring, boots thudding. We all watch for a few seconds, the moment settling.
“So,” Jasper says more gently, “mental block. That’s… frustrating.”
“Very,” I say. “Because it means I can’t just fix a thing. I have to untangle it.”
Theo nods. “But it also means it’s not permanent.”
“That’s what they keep telling me,” I say.
There’s a pause. Not awkward. Not heavy. Just… deliberate.
