It’s been a week since I left and it’s been the week from hell. A week in which she’s filled both my conscious and subconscious mind equally. All I can picture in my head is the look of sadness on her face as her lip trembled and her eyes turned glassy as I swiped away the tear that slid down her beautiful face.
She looked completely crushed. She looked… heartbroken.
I wonder what she’s doing now. Is she thinking about me too? Is she wishing that we didn’t have miles and miles separating us and that we were curled up together instead? Romeo’s head would be resting on my calf like he did that night. Lorna would be tucked into my body with her head against my chest, the warmth of her body seeping through my skin, where I’d kiss her with everything I had just to let her know how special she is to me.
It still astounds me how quickly she took a hold of my heart. How easily she claimed it as her own and I miss her.
I miss being around her. I miss how her presence could bring out the sun on a cloudy day, how she could make even the most miserable person feel joyful again.
I miss how happy she made me feel, and since I’ve been back, all I’ve felt is sadness, like a huge grey cloud hanging over me constantly.
“Roy?” I snap my eyes up at the sound of my name. “What’s up with you?” Warren asks, bringing his glass up to his lips and taking a sip of his whiskey.
We’re sat at a bar downtown and it’s unusually busy for an evening midweek. The hustle and bustle of the city is stifling and a quiet drink in a bar is exactly what I need after a long day at the office, but there’s no escape tonight. The music seems way too loud and the voices speak louder to be heard above the others.
“I don’t want this anymore,” I say.
His brows knit. “What do you mean?”
“This. Everything. The Brentley deal, the company, this city… all of it. I just don’t care anymore.”
I’m bored. I’ve been doing this job since I was twenty-two and back then I thought that life couldn’t possibly get any better. I owned my own company that raked in more money than I could spend, but I’ve come to realise there’s more to life than just money.
There’slove.
Warren slams down his glass on the bar. “Where is all this coming from? It’s not you, Roy.”
“Maybe it is. Maybe I’m just bored of it all. Maybe I want more than this.”
“Like what exactly? You’re the head of one of the biggest investment firms in the country. What more could you possibly want?”
“A family. A wife… children. A dog and even a fucking cat if I have to.” I chuckle to myself as I echo what Lorna once said to me about what she wanted out of life and strangely, I’ve since come to realise that that’s what I want too. “I want a nice house where I can enjoy life, not spend it stuck in an office all day, letting my life pass me by. I want my life to mean something and I want tomeansomething to somebody else.”
“Is this all because ofthat girlin that godforsaken town?” The way he saysthat girlhas my fists clenching.
“Yes.” As soon as I got back to the city last week, Warren could see that something had happened, and he’s not one to let a subject drop and he eventually got it out of me.
“Christ, I never thought I’d see the day when Royce Cole was pussy whipped. She must have a golden fucking cunt to make y-”
I cut him off when I grip his face in my hand. “Don’t ever talk about her like that. Warren, you may be my friend but you’rewayout of line. That’s the woman I love you’re talking about.” Those three words came rushing out of my mouth so fast, I didn’t even register I’d said them until it was too late.
The woman I love…
Did I really just say that out loud?
I let Warren go with a soft shove and he stares at me like he just saw a ghost, like he can’t quite believe what he just heard, and I totally get it, because I can’t believe I said it either. After my ex-wife left, Warren was the sole witness to my vow of never falling in love again and never speaking those words out loud. Well, here we are…
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” I say.
“No, I’m sorry, man. If I’d known she meant that much to you… Fuck, you really love her?”
“I love her,” I confirm, the words coming to me as easy as breathing. “I really fucking love her, War.” I picture her in my mind, those short red wine waves and that radiant smile… I’m totally crazy for her. “Loving her is so easy, it comes so naturally. But how can I do that while she’s there and I’m here?”
“Move her out here! What girl wouldn’t want to live in the Big Apple?”
I shake my head. “She has her own diner, her own house. Her whole life is there, it wouldn’t be fair to uproot her out here. She’s a small town girl, she wouldn’t like it here.”
“And you’re a city boy, you’re not seriously suggesting that you move out there are you?” He looks at me like to even entertain the thought is ridiculous.
