“No brother of mine is sleeping on the fucking couch when there’s a perfectly good bed upstairs.”
Even though he’s not technically my brother by blood, we are in every other sense of the word. He’s been by my side for so many years that I can’t imagine life without him. My only sibling growing up was Tori and I would always complain about not having a brother to my parents, but with Logan, well... I got my wish.
He helps me get my stuff up to the spare room and leaves me to unpack my stuff. I like to travel light, mainly because I have very few possessions, save for clothes and a few other things, so it doesn’t take me long. As for the rest of my stuff back in Florida, I either sold it or donated it to charity.
There’s a knock on the door and Logan pokes his head around. “So I’m gonna order food, what do you want?”
“Your choice.”
“Chinese?” he asks.
“Sounds good.”
“Awesome!”
I carry on unpacking until I find one of the very few sentimental objects I own. I pull the small rectangular box out and flip the lid and my heart constricts. Grace’s engagement and wedding rings lie inside, along with the promise ring I bought her on Valentine’s day only a year after we met.
I peer down to where my own gold wedding ring bands around my third finger. I know I should take it off and move on, I can’t keep living in the past. But it feels wrong.
God knows the amount of times I’ve sat in the same position, fiddling with my ring, wondering if it’s the right time to take it off, but every time I try, I just can’t seem to do it.
If I take it off, it’ll be as though I’m forgetting her, and I’m not ready for that yet.
Before I know it, the food has arrived, and Logan is calling for me. I close the lid of the box and set it inside one of the bedside table draws before making my way downstairs.
The food is delicious, and it’s nice enjoying a meal with some company rather than sitting by myself in my apartment in front of the TV with a microwavable meal balancing on my lap.
“You look great, man,” he comments before shovelling a fork full of noodles into his mouth.
“Thanks, you do too.”
“So how have you been?” he asks, his mouth still full of food.
“Good, I guess. I really loved Florida. It was a little lonely at times but I’m glad I left.”
“I fucking hated seeing you leave, but I saw it. Every day you got worse, like the walls were closing in or something, it was only a matter of time before you snapped.”
That’s exactly how it felt. Logan has this knack for knowing me better than I know myself at times.
“Listen, thanks again for letting me stay here.”
“No sweat. I’m glad you’re back.” He smiles through another mouthful of food. “And you know my door’s always open to you.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. How’s the auto shop going?”
Logan is a mechanic, he has been for as long as I can remember and he’s a damn god one at that. He bought his own garage a while back before I left.
“It’s going great. The guys I work with are amazing. I fucking love being the boss.”
“I’m glad everything’s working out.”
“So, um… has there been anyone while you were away?” he asks.
“No,” I reply quickly, shaking my head. “I tried dating a couple times, but it… I don’t know, just didn’t feel right.”
Every time a date came to more than just dinner, everything would fall apart. It felt wrong, like I was cheating on Grace. Not to mention that every woman I took out to dinner noticed the ring around my finger and automatically assumed I was cheating on my wife. I didn’t bother to correct them, some didn’t care and wanted me anyway, others ran for the hills, I guess it was easier that way, rather than have them knowing I’m a widower and still grieving.
In some ways I was using them, using them to see if I was ready to move on and put myself out there again, and I guess I got my answer. In all honesty, I was never fully into the prospect of dating again, I’d sworn off love, but I forced myself to date because the truth of it was, I was lonely, and I was tired of it.
