Quinn straightens, turning her body to face me, reaching out to take my hand in hers.
“She didn’t let on at first how much it was affecting her, it was like she buried her head in the sand and refused to believe it. I mentioned maybe applying for adoption, but it didn’t seem to make her feel any better. When Tori got pregnant, she was only eighteen, so Grace took it upon herself to help in any way she could, and when Lissy came along, she fell in love with her instantly. Tori struggled at the beginning, feeling the true weight of what being a mother was like, and it was Grace that was there to help feed and change Lissy. Then one day, Tori felt like she was ready, and she slowly began to take more responsibility, meaning Grace was no longer needed as much. It crushed her, and she slowly began to pull away from me. Towards the end, something snapped I guess, like all of the pain and anger finally came to a head. We fought all the time, the same arguments over and over, and deep down, I guess I just wanted her to leave me.”
“What? Why?” Quinn asks.
“Because I’d rather let her go and find a man whocangive her a baby, than forcing her to stay in a marriage to a man who couldn’t. I loved her too much to hurt her like that.”
“And that’s why you pushed me away? For the same reason?” I can see her eyes sparkling with fresh tears as she gazes up at me.
I nod. “Yeah.”
A tear escapes, trickling its way down her cheek. “You’re an amazing man, Dwight.”
“No I’m not. I let her die.” My heart squeezes and I tear my eyes away from Quinn, my eyes dropping into my lap. “We were fighting so much that I didn’t see the signs until it was too late. The headaches, the nausea, the tiredness… I just assumed it was the stress. So did she. But one day we were arguing, and she stormed off upstairs. I heard a crash from our bedroom and ran in to find her on the floor having a seizure. I’ve never been so scared in all my life. That’s when I knew it was serious. I got her to the hospital where they ran all kinds of tests and found a tumour in her brain. It was large. She went through surgery and chemo, but it wasn’t enough, and five months later she was gone.”
“Oh my God, Dwight.” Quinn begins to cry beside me, and I pull her into me, as tears of my own prickling the backs of my eyes.
“Watching the life slowly drain from her is something I’ll never forget. I was with her when she died. I held her in my arms and prayed to God to take me with her.”
“I’m so sorry,” Quinn whimpers.
“The guilt was eating me alive. If only I’d seen it sooner, if only I hadn’t kept pushing, if only we hadn’t fought so much I would have seen the signs and got her help sooner.”
“You couldn’t have known. You can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your hands. Take comfort in the thought that she had you with her, taking care of her at the end.”
“I never thought that I could be happy again. When I left, I made a decision that having a family, that finding love again weren’t options for me anymore, I didn’t want to, until I met you.”
“Thank you for telling me, it means a lot.”
“Thankyoufor listening.” I reach down to cup her face, bringing her lips to meet mine.
“I’ll always be here if you want to talk, just know I’ll listen. Always.”
Chapter 38
Quinn
Once class has ended, I hang back and wait until everyone leaves before I make my way over to Dwight.
“Hey.” I smile, rounding his desk and pull myself up to sit on it, my legs swinging over the edge.
“Hi,” he says, reaching over to place a hand on my thigh. “What are you doing this weekend?”
“Oh I don’t know… might wash my hair… shave my legs…” I trail off, a smirk twitching at my lips. He cocks his head, an eyebrow raised, and I laugh. “I’ve actually got the weekend off. Why do you ask?”
He stands up, placing his hands on the desk either side of my thighs and leaning in close. “I want to take you away for a couple of days. Just you and me.”
“Really? Where would we go?”
“Somewhere I can hold your hand in the street,” he reaches for one of my hands and squeezes it gently, “somewhere I can kiss you without worrying about who sees us,” he leans in a brushes his lips against mine, “somewhere we can be together.”
I smile against his lips. “I like the sound of that.”
“I’ll pick you up Saturday morning then.”
“Can’t wait.”
He leans in and kisses me deep. My hand reaches up to cup his cheek, his beard soft under my touch. We’re so lost in each other that we don’t hear the door open behind us.
