I just have to make it through this next few minutes and it’ll all be over.
I take a deep breath and climb the steps to the stage and slip through the curtain and wait for my cue on shaky legs, hidden in darkness at the back of the stage. Hushed whispers and laughter filter through the room as they wait for the next show.
A spotlight illuminates the centre of the stage, highlighting the thick chrome pole that stretches from the ground to the ceiling, and the slow opening beats toWicked Gamesby The Weeknd begins to play, the deep vibrations of the bass reverberating through my chest.
I step out onto the stage, a spotlight above me following each and every slow and calculated step I take in time with the beat of the song in the six inch heels Paula found for me. I hold my head high and walk out with confidence. As I come into view, I’m welcomed by catcalls and applause as I make my way over to the centre of the stage towards the pole. I grip the pole tightly, using it to hold myself upright, desperately fighting the tremble that has my legs shaking.
I sway my hips to the beat of the song as I round the pole, the polished chrome cool under my skin. I hook my leg around the pole and spiral lower and lower until I drop down onto my knees, thighs spread wide, throwing my head back, letting my fingers glide up my body as I rise up and down on my knees, circling my hips. I flip my hair and reach for a strap on my bra, sliding it off my shoulder, teasing, before doing the same to the other. The voices in the room grow louder, calling me to take it off.
I slowly begin to stand back up, my bra straps still off my shoulder but still covering everything important. I roll my hips seductively as I rise back up to my feet, my fingers lacing into my hair, my hand coming down to feather over my breasts in a gentle touch.
I’m sweating buckets. Moisture beads on my forehead and down my spine, not just from the nerves but from the physical exertion. Jesus, I didn’t realise I was so out of shape.
I try to lose myself in the music in an attempt to block out the room, but I stupidly let my gaze drift over the crowd below me, and despite the dim lighting, I see a dozen pairs of eyes trained on me, all filled with the heat of lust. My footsteps almost falter but I manage to hide it as I continue to dance.
I’ve never had any formal dance training, the closest I got to anything like this was gymnastics in school and I sucked at that. This is all new to me and entire improvisation on my part, though I didn’t come here tonight totally blind, I’ve spent hours trawling the internet for videos on pole dancing and how to be a stripper, practicing some dance moves in my living room and watching as many movies featuring strip scenes as I could find. I’m hoping that as time goes on, I’ll get better at it.
Although I’m nervous as hell, I’m doing okay.I think.Dollar bills litter the stage at my feet, completely covering the shiny black surface.
Christ.
A guy on the front row beckons me over to him and I slowly drop all fours and crawl to the edge of the stage in front of him. He’s in his late-forties, dressed in a full suite, probably just got off work and came straight here. He leans forward and tucks a couple of bills in my panties. He brushes his hand over my waist and down my thigh, letting it linger longer than it should before he pulls his hand back. He smirks. “You’re the most exquisite thing I’ve ever seen.”
I shoot him the sexiest smile I can muster and a wink before rising back to my feet. That guy likes what he’s seeing, so I must be doing something right. A surge of confidence hits me, and I dance my ass off, channelling my inner Kim Basinger, giving it everything I’ve got and before I know it, the song is over, and the lights slowly begin to dim.
The room erupts into applause and cheers as I make my way off stage. I walk through the curtain to find both Rick and Paula waiting for me.
Paula smiles at me. “You did good, girl,” she praises.
Rick nods slowly, one corner of his mouth tipped upwards. “Good job. Come with me, let’s go sort out your schedule.” He begins to turn away.
“I’m in?” I ask.
He stops and looks back at me over his shoulder and gives me a smirk. “You’re in.”
∞∞∞
As soon as I arrive home, I crash back onto the couch and a sense of calmness I haven’t felt for a while washes over me. All the worry and stress of the past few weeks has gone.
It’s past one in the morning and it’s a battle to even keep my eyes open. I flick through the stack of money I made tonight. Rick let me keep it all, saying that despite his reservations about me, I’d earned it.
$210 from just one dance!
If I make this kind of money in a single night, it means that I can stay in college and I won’t have to worry about paying the rent anymore. I reach for the letter lying on the coffee table that I got this morning, threatening me with eviction for the second time and tear it up.
I’m not going anywhere. Not just yet.
A couple of months ago, my roommate Hollie decided she was going to move out and live with her boyfriend, leaving me to foot the bill for the rent all by myself. I know she wouldn’t intentionally hurt me by moving out, and she even helped me look for a new roommate, but I had no takers, and I couldn’t wait forever. My savings soon dried up, and between the rent, bills, food and college expenses, what I make working at the restaurant alone, I’m stretched pretty thin and I was forced to find another job.
Dancing at a strip club isn’t what I envisioned for myself, but when you’re desperate, you’ll do just about anything in order to survive.
I head into my bedroom and drop onto my front, reaching for a box under my bed. If I’m going to be keeping stacks of money, I need somewhere to stash it, I can’t have cash like that just lying around anywhere. I pull out the box and lift the lid. My eyes land on a framed photograph that lies front and centre in the box, and my heart squeezes painfully.
My parents and I stare back at me, our smiling faces making my heart ache. It was our last ever photo together. The last time I was happy. We were on vacation in Mexico on the beach, the cloudless sky and crystal blue sea behind us. I remember that day as if it was yesterday, let alone just over a year ago.
It’s scary how much your life can change so quickly. How you can go from incredibly happy to extremely sad in the blink of an eye. How I can go from being a daughter of two amazing parents one day, to an orphan the next.
Even now I can’t seem to wrap my head around the fact that I’m here, still living, still breathing, and they’re not. They're just... gone.
