I kissed him again. Don’t I ever learn?
Twice in one day I kissed him, it’s like I was setting myself up for rejection, anyone would think I enjoyed it. Humiliation heats my cheeks, my stomach knotting at the thought of facing him again, that’s why when Monday morning rolled around, I couldn’t bring myself to go to his class, and so far this week, I’ve avoided every single one. I just couldn’t do it. I’ve never missed a day of school in my life and it’s not something I took pleasure in doing, but I’m too embarrassed by my recent behaviour to make an appearance.
Dwight was right, this isn’t me.
Not at all.
Today, I can’t seem to focus. I’ve been cooped up inside every day except to go to work, and I need to escape, so I came to the only place where my mind is clear.
To visit my parents.
I sit on the bench where I sit every time I come here, underneath the cool shade of the huge tree, facing their headstones that stand beside each other. It’s a comfort to know that even in death they’re together.
When I was younger, I idolised both of them, and as I began to get older, I would watch how they looked at each other, the look of complete adoration, the look of being in love, and dreamed of finding the kind of love that they had. It was like something out of a romance novel. Not once in eighteen years did I ever see them fight. Argue, yes, but arguments that lasted all of five minutes and ended up with them apologising and kissing minutes later.
“It’s Quinn, right?” a voice says, snapping me from my thoughts. I look up to find Logan standing in front of me.
“Logan?”
“One and only.” He winks and I laugh. He walks towards me and sits down next to me. “What’s a girl like you doing sitting in the middle of a cemetery?”
“Visiting my parents.” I nod towards their headstones.
“Shit… sorry.”
“It’s okay,” I assure him. “Were you visiting Grace?”
His eyes widen slightly as if I’ve surprised him somehow. “Dwight told you about my sister?”
I nod. “Yeah, why?”
“I’m just surprised, he’s always been so reserved when it comes to her. He must trust you.” He smiles. “How are you two anyway?”
“What? I don’t…”
“Hey, it’s okay. No judgement. He mentioned he’d met someone but that it was complicated, and when he introduced us at the coffee shop that morning I put two and two together.”
“Oh right. Well, in answer to your question, there’s nothing going on, I don’t think.”
“What do you mean?”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t wanna hear this.”
He turns his body to face me, resting his chin in his hand with his arm propped up on the back of the bench. “Humour me. I might be able to help.”
“I doubt that, but…” I trail off, letting out a deep sigh. “I kissed him, twice… and I shouldn’t have. He told me that it was a mistake, but I went ahead and did it again anyway. I got drunk in some bar and he had to come get me. I feel so ashamed of how I’ve acted. So guilty.”
“You like him don’t you?”
I nod. “Yeah. A lot.”
“Then don’t give up on him, it’s just hard for him, I think, you know, after losing Grace.”
“I don’t wanna push him.”
“You won’t be. He just needs a little nudge in the right direction, and with the help of ol’ Logan here…” he grins, stretching his body out confidently. I laugh. “I just want him to be happy is all. He’s a great guy, as you’ve probably seen. He’s the best guy I know, and has the biggest heart, which I guess is why he’s pushing you away.”
“How so?”
