“Both?”
She nods. “Lucky me, right?” she says with a blank expression.
My heart squeezes painfully. It’s bad enough losing one parent, but to lose both... I can’t even imagine. I have so many questions I want to ask her, but I can see she’s upset, and I don’t want to add to it.
“Who are you visiting?” she asks, her warm brown eyes flicking up meet mine.
“My wife.”
Her eyes soften. “Your wife?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry,” she says quietly. “When did she…?”
“Three years ago.”
She doesn’t say anything as her eyes search mine. She opens her mouth as if she's going to speak but she hesitates, averting her gaze back to her lap, but after a few moments, she finally speaks. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
She turns her body a fraction to face me. “Does it ever get any easier? Does the pain ever go away? It’s been over a year, and…” Her voice cracks, and a single tear falls.
What the hell am I supposed say to that?
Am I supposed to lie and tell her that it will? Because it doesn’t. Pain like that stays with you.
I don’t know why I do it, but I reach across and catch the tear with my thumb. She lets out a quiet gasp, and her eyes flick up to mine, her chin trembling. The way she's looking at me has my heart pumping so fast, like she's looking to me to be the one to save her.
But how am I meant to save her when I can’t even save myself?
My eyes flick down to her lips for a brief moment, and I wonder what it would feel like to kiss her.
Shit. I shouldn’t be thinking like that!
She’s nineteen and your student, I remind myself.
I quickly avert my gaze, hoping she didn’t notice.
What is it about this girl that has me so captivated?
“No. The pain never goes away, it’s always there. You just get used to living with it, I guess,” I reply. “Or you can do what I did and run from it. Leave behind your family, your friends and your home, and move across the country, though it’s not very effective.”
“You left? Why?”
“Because I thought I could run from the pain, the memories… the guilt. I thought that by leaving the city I could leave it all behind, but it followed me. Itwillget easier, and youwillget through this,” I assure her.
She gives me a sad smile. “How am I supposed to go on living, when my only reasontolive isn’t here anymore?”
“Believe me, I asked myself that same question when I lost her, but you just do. I’m sure you’ve been told time and time again that life goes on, but it does. I wallowed in grief for the first year or so, didn’t want to go out and face the world, just wanted to bury myself in my bed and drown in booze, but you know what I did?”
She shakes her head.
“I found a new reason to live. I found something else to keep me going, giving me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.”
“And what was it?”
“My work. I threw myself into my job, wanting to give my students the best education possible.”
