We spend about half an hour in the water before returning to the sand where we lie side by side, soaking up the sun for most of the afternoon. As I lie there, I think about how the hell I’m going to explain to Logan how I feel and my stomach coils, because I know how it will end. He won’t want me anymore. I know I’ve been stupid, allowing myself to fall for him when I know he’ll never feel the same, but I did it anyway, because being with him for the past few weeks was enough to help me through the pain of my dad’s death, but I have a feeling losing Logan will hurt just as much, if not more.
I take a deep breath and glance over to Logan, who looks lost in thought himself. I reach over and clasp his hand in mine. He turns his face to me and smiles, bringing my hand up, pressing a kiss to the back of it before bringing it to rest over his heart.
With his simple gesture, all the pain and worries fade away, because right here is exactly where I want to be.
Chapter 20
Amy
There’s a light knock on my bedroom door and my little brother pokes his head around it. “Ames, you wanna play Mario Kart with me? I’m bored.”
I’m surprised at his question. Since my dad died he’s closed in on himself and he barely spoken to me and my mom in weeks, he just locks himself away in his room and only comes downstairs to eat and play on hisXBOXor my oldNintendo Wii. He idolised my dad, worshipped him in fact, claiming that when he’s old enough he’s going to join the force and be a great police officer, just like my dad. The only time he seemed to come out of his shell was that day he played his video games with Logan.
“Sure, come on.” I follow him into the living room and for the next half hour, I let him beat me at Mario Kart where he makes no effort to speak to me, just sits beside me, tapping away on his controller.
Once the last race is over,hecrowned the winner and me in sixth place, I freeze the game and turn to him. “Are you okay?”
“Sure.” He shrugs.
“We used to be close you and me.” I jab him playfully with my elbow. “You know you can talk to me, right? About dad?”
His body stiffens and his gaze falls to the floor. “He died because of me,” he mumbles.
“What? Why would you say that?”
“Before he left for work that night, we had a fight. He wouldn’t let me sleepover at Niall’s house and I told him that I hated him and I wished he was dead. But… I didn’t mean it, I swear.” He breaks down and begins to cry.
I drop the controller and wrap him in my arms. “AJ, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Yeah it was. I told him I wished he was dead. I killed him!”
“No. You didn’t. We all say stuff we don’t mean when we’re angry. I can’t count the times when I told him the same, and I didn’t mean it either. Dad was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, you know how dangerous being a police officer is, the job comes with risks.”
“But he died thinking I hated him,” he sobs.
“No he didn’t. Dad knew how much you loved him. Please don’t blame yourself because itwasn’tyour fault. Dad died because he was trying to stop the bad guys, not because of you. You understand?”
“Yeah, okay.” He sniffs, wiping his eyes on the sleeves of his hoodie. “Will the bad guys get caught?”
“Yes, they will. Eventually.”
“Good.”
“So, want me to let you thrash me on another race?” I ask.
He smiles for the first time in weeks. A wide, genuine smile and my heart warms at the sight of it. “You bet! Bowser’s castle?”
“You only picked that track because you know I hate it,” I complain with a laugh.
“Of course I did, dork.” He laughs and I shove him playfully again making him laugh even harder.
After he’s beaten me at Mario Kart for five more races, I decide to cheer him up by treating him to aMcDonald’son the grounds that he’s sworn to secrecy and not to tell my mom, and when we pull up onto the driveway, David is stood leaning against the side of his car.
“Hey, David!” AJ greets him with a high five.
“Hey little man, you good?” David asks.
“I’m good,” he replies before letting himself inside the house.
