My mom’s chin wobbles but she composes herself quickly, hoping I didn’t notice, but I did. “Mom, you don’t have to put a brave face on all the time. You’re allowed to cry too.”
“If I start I won’t stop, so it’s best that I don’t.” Without another word, she stands up and reaches for the dishes, stacking them before carrying them into the kitchen.
My mom and dad adored each other and I always loved watching them together. I remember once when I was little, I couldn’t sleep, and I made my way downstairs to find my mom and dad dancing together slowly in the middle of the living room, some old slow song playing quietly in the background. They looked so beautiful, so in love with each other. I must have stayed there for ages just watching through the crack in the door.
I sit at the dining table for a few more minutes until my dad’s absence gets too much, it’s then that I rise from my chair and head outside for some fresh air, but even out here I can’t escape the crushing sadness of his loss.
Ipull open the heavy garage door where my dad’s most recent work-in-progress sits inside. Since I was a little girl, my dad would spend every spare minute in here, fixing up old muscle cars, bringing them back to their original state as if they’d just rolled off the production line in the factory. I’d spend hours sat in the old armchair in the corner and watch him work while doing my homework, old seventies songs playing on the radio. Sometimes I’d lend a hand, holding a flashlight or passing him his tools. I miss those days.
The car that sits in front of me now isfarfrom finished. The 1965 Pontiac GTO’s paint is faded and flaking with rust, the chrome bumper and trim around the headlights lies beside it on the ground. I can only guess from the state of the exterior that the engine and mechanisms are in need of restoration too.
I press my palm to the cool metal, smoothing my hand over the hood as I round the car before climbing in behind the wheel, the smell of old-worn leather filling my nostrils. The interior isn’t really that bad, and if anything it’s probably in the best condition compared to the rest of the car.
It’s sad to think that he never got the chance to complete the restoration, that it will forever sit unfinished, unloved and slowly rotting. I can’t leave it like this can I?
I’m so busy looking around the interior that I don’t see my mom entering the garage before she’s climbing into the passenger seat beside me. She sits and looks at me, giving me a sad smile, but doesn’t say anything.
“I hate seeing it like this, Mom. He loved it. He was so proud that day he brought it home. Do you remember?”
“I remember.” She laughs softly. “But this was never his car, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“He bought it for you. He was planning to get it finished and give it to you on your twenty-first birthday.”
My eyes brim with tears. “I had no idea.”
“I thinkthatwas the idea,” she laughs. “Although it’s not official, and it’ll take a while for his will to go through, there’s no doubt it’s yours.” She pulls out a small envelope and hands it to me, “your dad wanted me to give you this. Every few months he’d write a new letter to both you and AJ, making me tear up the old one, just in case anything happened to him. I wanted to give it to you sooner, but I decided to wait until we got back.”
I take it from her and I stare down at the unopened envelope in my hands.
Do I open it now? I’m not sure that I can.
My mom waits patiently beside me and after a few moments, I carefully unpick the flap, and sliding the letter out of the envelope. A whimper slips free at the sight of his handwriting. It’s scruffy, and scrawled across the paper, but it’s so typically Dad.
I take a deep breath and begin to read.
To my darling girl, Amy,
If you’re reading this letter, then it means I’ve had to leave you.
I hate writing these letters every few months, but if I didn’t and something happened to me, I’d hate it even more to think that I’d left you with nothing. No parting words. No goodbye.
You are the light of my life, my beautiful and brilliant daughter. I am so incredibly proud of you and everything you have achieved. To see you grow from that quiet little girl into the woman you are now has been one of the highlights of my life, I only wish I was there to see you achieve so much more.
The GTO in the garage is yours, it was yours when I first laid eyes on it all those months ago. I saw it and I knew. It was intended to be a twenty-first birthday gift for you, and I’m so incredibly sorry I couldn’t finish it for you. I hope that you can find someone who will.
Remember, sweetheart, I love you and I’ll be watching over you always. The greatest gift I ever had was the day you were born and you remain one of my greatest achievements. You are the light of my life, sweetheart and my love for you burns eternally.
Shed no more tears for me, go out and do something spectacular.
Goodbye my darling girl.
Love always,
Dad.
It’s not until I’ve finished reading that I realise that I’m crying. Huge fat tears fall from my eyes and blur my vision. I rest my forehead against the wheel and let the tears flow freely, and through the tears I glance over at my mom, who’s eyes are also filled with moisture.
