“I…couldn’t sleep.”
“You also can’t lie for shit,” she fires back, setting her glass on the counter and then crossing her arms over her chest. “Rhonan, I’m not a fool.”
Sighing, I push a hand through my hair and move to the kitchen, taking a seat at one of the barstools on the other side of the counter. “Fuck, Joanne.”
“You were at Vienna’s, weren’t you?”
“Would you judge me if I said yes?”
Her face instantly softens. “Rhonan, if you think I would judge you for living your life, then you must not know me as well as I hoped you did.”
“You’re right…I’m just…”
“Up in your head?” I nod. She rolls her eyes. “What else is new?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, but I can’t stay away from her.”
“That’s not necessarily a problem.” She clears her throat and arches a brow. “Is it just physical?”
I don’t even have to think about the answer to that question. “No, especially since it didn’t start out that way.”
“And what does that mean?”
I briefly catch my nanny up on how Vienna and I initially met. She fights to hide her smile. “Well, I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there. Obviously, there’s something between the two of you if you keep going back to her.”
“Yeah, but am I fucking crazy, Joanne?” She shrugs, so I continue. “I have a kid, a job that takes up a huge chunk of my life, and she’s my daughter’s teacher.”
“Not truly,” she counters. “But you do know that there are adults every day who have relationships that also have demanding jobs and children, Rhonan. You’re not unique in that case.”
“Yeah, I know, but…”
“It sounds to me that you’re just trying to come up with excuses so you don’t get hurt.”
The woman might as well have catapulted a brick at my chest with the way her words slam into me—because she’s fucking right.
I don’t want to get hurt again, but my desire for Vienna is too strong to ignore.
“What would your mom have told you to do?”
Her question slices through my chest like a knife. My mother—God rest her soul—knew me better than anyone. The first time I had a girlfriend and that relationship ended, she’s the one that helped me through it.
Just thinking about it right now brings the scene back to me—sitting next to her on my bed, fighting off tears because I didn’t want to cry in front of my mom, her gentle voice reassuring me that great love is worth the hurt and lessons your first relationships will teach you.
I just never imagined life would teach me the lesson of losing people I love too.
Clearing the emotion from my throat, I reply, “She would have told me never to give up on love.”
Joanne’s soft smile is accompanied by unshed tears in her eyes. “Your mother was a wise woman.”
Staring down at my clasped hands, I nod. “She was.”
“So, all I’m trying to get you to realize is that you have a chance here to have something real again, Rhonan. But don’t lead that woman on if you’re not ready for the possibility. Vienna deserves better than that.”
I know she does—and that’s what scares me the most—because I don’t know if I’m ready to give her what she deserves.
***
“Hell yeah! Twenty-one, bitches!” Elliot tosses his hands in the air as if he’s on a rollercoaster, celebrating his hand.
