She reaches for my hand, and I let her, her thumb rubbing over the top of it slowly. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe this all happened for a reason?”
“You know I don’t believe in that shit.”
When you lose your mom and your wife, it’s kind of hard to think that those things were meant to happen. Why on earth should any human have to go through that kind of loss so early in life? Why shouldany young girl have to grow up without her mother? Why did my mother have to die way too fucking young?
“I know you can be jaded about certain things, Rhonan. Trust me, I’ve had my moments of feeling like that too. But I want to see you move on and stop wasting your life.”
“I’m fine. You have your own things to worry about, so stop meddling in mine.”
“Forgive me for wanting you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Could have fooled me with all the joy spewing from your pores right now.” I roll my eyes, but my sister continues. “Don’t you want someone to share your life with, Rhonan?”
“I had that, Laney…and lost it.”
My sister grows quiet, but she finally says something I didn’t want to hear, but probably needed to. “I think it’s unrealistic to think you wouldn’t develop feelings for someone new at some point, Rhonan. Sarah would have wanted you to move on. She wouldn’t want you and Ellis to be alone forever.”
I swallow down the lump forming in my throat the longer this conversation goes on. “We’re not alone. We have Joanne. We have you, and dad.”
She squints at me. “You know what I mean.”
A heavy sigh leaves my lips, and then I’m burying my head in my hands. “Fuck.”
“Talk to me, Rhonan.” She rubs my shoulder as I stay hunched over. “It’s me. I’m not here to judge. I truly just want what’s best for you.”
“I’m fucking scared, Laney,” I say, my voice low.
“Good.”
My head pops up. “Good?”
“Yes. At least you’re feeling something.”
“Trust me, I wish I wasn’t.”
“Do you know how scared I was to get hurt again with Fletcher? So scared that I wasted ten years hating the man so he’d keep his distance.”
“That’s different.”
“No, it’s not. It’s still fear, and right now, you’re letting it run the show. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure Vienna is just as conflicted as you.”
That makes me sit upright again. “What makes you say that?”
My sister shrugs. “She kept trying to assure me that you two are just neighbors, but I could see something in her eyes when she spoke about you…and Ellis.”
“Ellis really loves her.”
“And don’t you think that’s a good sign? You and I both know you wouldn’t date someone without thinking of Ellis first.”
“I never have.”
She points a finger at me. “Exactly. You haven’t dated anyone since Sarah. I’m not saying marry Vienna tomorrow, Rhonan. But she’s the first woman who has elicited a reaction from you since you lost Sarah, and I think you owe it to yourself to at least explore that.”
Hearing my sister tell me something I already know doesn’t help this war I’m fighting within. My attraction toward Vienna is overwhelming, but is that all it is? Or is Laney right, and I’m just too fucking scared to figure out if there’s more between us?
“Daddy?” Ellis comes over to me, rubbing her eyes. “Can I watch a movie?”
