It’s as if he was testing the universe—because I had no idea just how wrong he could be, and neither did he.
***
“I want to paint a really big rock!” Ellis nearly tips the water cup over on the table as she leaps from her chair at Rhonan’s dining room table.
“Well, let’s find one in the basket.”
She shakes her head as she moves from the dining room to the kitchen where I’m standing at the sink. We just finished eatingspaghetti that I made, and Ellis naturally wanted to paint rocks with me after dinner.
It’s Monday night, and as Rhonan asked me, I’m looking after Ellis for him while he’s on shift. After Laney and Fletcher’s wedding Saturday night, where I finally confessed everything to him, I wish I could say that I felt better about our future. On some levels, I do—the man accepted everything I had to tell him with such understanding that I became emotional when we lay in bed together that night. He held me as I let months of pain, grief, and anger pass through me. He assured me that he wanted to be responsible for keeping me safe now.
But today the divorce papers were delivered to Cole, which means my anxiety has been through the roof. I’ve even felt nauseous while wondering what his reaction would be. Honestly, I expected a phone call from him, but my phone has been quiet all day except for a few texts from Rhonan here and there.
“Ms. Vienna?” Ellis says, pulling on the bottom of my shirt and reminding me that she’s on a mission.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Can we please go outside and find a big rock? I want to paint it to look like me, and then we can put it in your backyard so Roscoe has a friend at your house.”
“Aw, I love that idea.” Reminders from Rhonan about staying home enter my mind, but I don’t see any harm in walking around the neighborhood. “Okay, get your shoes and socks on.”
“Yay!” Ellis runs to the front door and slips on her newFrozenCrocs that Rhonan got for her. She wears them any chance she can get. In a matter of seconds, she’s right back beside me. “I’m ready.”
“I can see that.”
“Ms. Vienna?” Ellis grabs my hand as I reach for my cell phone on the counter, slip it into my pocket, and follow her lead to the front door.
“Yes, Ellis?”
“I’m really glad you’re my teacher.”
“Aw, me too, sweet girl.” We stand at the edge of the sidewalks that line the streets in Rhonan’s neighborhood and look both ways before we cross the street. Our hands remain locked as we walk down the road to an empty field nearby to hunt for a rock that Ellis deems big enough.
“And I’m glad that my daddy kissed you, even though it’s gross.”
I chuckle. “One day, you won’t think that way.”
Ellis grows quiet for a minute. “Can we make cupcakes for my mommy’s birthday?”
Her question throws me for a loop. “When is your mommy’s birthday?”
“June thirteenth.”
“Then we should definitely make cupcakes for her birthday. Did she like cupcakes?”
“I don’t know.” My heart aches for her. “But I do, and your friend Lydia likes them, and since they’re angels together, we should make some for them.”
Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I nod. “I think so too.”
“Are you gonna be my mommy?” The curiosity in her voice nearly tears my heart in two.
“No one can replace your mom, Ellis.”
“But my mommy is in heaven, and I need a mommy here.” She leans her head on my hip as we continue to walk, stepping along the path as the field grows closer.
My gut tells me not to respond because I’m not the one that gets to make that decision—Rhonan does. I know he said he wantsa life with me, but there’s still so much to figure out between the two of us, and the last thing I want to do is tell this beautiful little girl that I would love nothing more than to be her mom here on earth, and then not have that happen.
If there’s anything I’ve learned in my twenty-eight years of life, it’s that nothing is guaranteed.
