“Yeah, son?”
“Do you mind if I run something by you real quick?”
He studies me curiously. “Of course. Is this a conversation we can have here, or would you rather go to my office?”
“Office would probably be best.”
I follow him inside, and once we’re in his office, he pours us each a glass of Pappy Van Winkle. Fletcher made sure there was a bottle here for us today, even though he won’t sample any of my favorite bourbon himself. The man doesn’t drink after what he experienced with his father, and I can’t say that I blame him for that choice.
“What’s on your mind, son?” My father asks as he lifts his glass to his lips and takes a sip of the caramel liquid.
I stare into my bourbon like it might hold some wisdom I need to hear. “You remember when you told me a few months ago that I would know when it was time to move on?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I think I’m ready.”
His brow lifts. “You think, or you know?”
I blow out a breath. “Vienna is…”
My father chuckles. “Son, I’m not blind. I’ve seen the way you look at that woman.”
“I’m fucking crazy about her,” I admit. “But…”
“What’s holding you back?”
“Elliot made a comment about how he felt like he knew Tori and then he ended up completely blindsided by her. I guess I just don’t want that to happen to me too. And then naturally, I’m afraid I’ll let myself dive in headfirst with her and end up devastated again.”
My father stares off to the side of the room in contemplation. “It’s a gift to exist, Rhonan, but there is no way to exist without experiencing some kind of suffering. Did you ever stop and think that the suffering was so you could appreciate the good?”
“No.”
“Losing your mom is one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt. I didn’t know if I could move forward, but each day got easier, and then you know what helped me really commit to moving on?”
“What?”
“It was the night you told me you were marrying Sarah. Something about that news made my entire life flash before my eyes, and I knew I didn’t want to miss a second of watching you and your sister live your lives. It’s not that I didn’t already feel that way, but the grief was so heavy for so long, it was difficult to see through it. I was so focused on my pain that I was ignoring the joy that was still present in my life.”
“That’s how I’ve felt.”
“Well, then now it’s time for you to move on. Ellis deserves that. You deserve that. And so does Vienna.” He leans forward in his chair. “You don’t have to know everything about someone to know they’re your person. That’s kind of the point of being with someone—you have the pleasure of getting to know each other for the rest of your lives, potentially. There were still things I was learning about your mother up until her very last day.”
“Even though you lost Mom in the end…”
“I don’t regret our time together for a second,” he says, answering the question I was alluding to. “I would do it all over again, even if I knew the outcome. That woman gave me love that most people never get to experience, and she gave me you and your sister.” He takes a sip of his bourbon. “Suffering is part of life, Rhonan. Now the question is, are you going to keep moving forward with Vienna by your sideand tackle the suffering together? Or are you going to continue to live under the dark cloud that’s been hovering over you for the past five years and be alone still?”
I already know the answer to that question, but hearing this from my father today makes me feel so much more secure in my decision and feelings.
Opening myself up to someone again is the risk I have to take if I want to experience a second chance at love. I could lose Vienna too, but I don’t regret my time with Sarah even though I lost her. And she gave me Ellis.
My life changed forever when that little girl came into it.
And Vienna has changed my life too.
A heavy sigh leaves my lips. “Thanks, Dad.”
“I’m always here for you, son. And remember, therapy can help you process a lot of this too. I haven’t pressured you about it after Sarah because I know you were busy with Ellis and finding your footing, but I think now it might be something you should consider. Out with the old thoughts and in with the new ones, you know?”
