CHAPTER 8
PROVIDENCE
Mellie’s fingers have been flying over the keys of her laptop for most of the flight, while I can’t help thinking about what’s going to happen when we land. Going back to Mississippi was not on my bucket list for this year or any other. When I left to join the Navy, I vowed never to step foot in the state again, and that was before Mellie told me about our abduction.
How could my parents keep that from me?Fuck.For the life of me, I can’t remember any of it, and that scares the living daylights out of me. What if it all comes back when I see the house, or we try to rescue the girls? What if I freeze and get someone hurt or worse—killed?
A million questions swirl around my mind, fighting for answers, while I gaze out the window at nothing but the clouds that I don’t really see. Instead, I see my parent’s angry faces, hear the banging of cabinet doors, and their shouts as they argue about who will bestuckwith me.
It hadn’t been a great childhood, but apparently it was worse than I remember. Instead of just having shitty parents, a man abducted me and only God and Mellie know what happened tous. As I sit here struggling with the need to know, my stomach churns, and bile rises in my throat as the need to crawl out of my skin is overwhelming.
On some level, I know it’s a low-grade panic attack. Even as I clench my fists so hard my nails dig into my palms. Being a doctor is a double-edged sword. Knowing what everything means, but dealing with it as a person, are two different things.
Even as the panic has me on the verge of hyperventilating, my brain struggles with the need to know everything. It’s the only way to process the trauma that will undoubtedly come out at the most inopportune time.
If just this small bit of knowledge is enough to trigger me, what the fuck is going to happen when the dam breaks loose and all the suppressed memories flood back? The me who has lived the last forty-plus years in blissful ignorance kind of wants to stay that way, even if it’s not realistic.
“Hey, Providence, are you okay?” Mellie’s voice cuts through the panic as I pull my gaze from the window to look at her.
“I think so, for the most part, anyway.” Except I see the way she’s looking at me, and I wonder what secrets I’ve revealed with my expression. Slowly I force myself to unclench my fists. There are deep crescent scars on my palms, but at least I didn’t make them bleed.
“I’m sorry I dumped all of this on you out of the blue. If I were you, I’d be kicking my ass while screamingbless your little heartat the top of my lungs.”
“Now that’s an idea I hadn’t considered. Maybe I should try it. Although I doubt the flight attendants would appreciate the uproar before we land.” I force a smile onto my face, though I’m not sure she’s buying it.
“I’m serious, girl. Once we get to my parents’ house, if you want to take a swing at me I won’t stop you. They wouldn’teither once they find out what I did,” she says, her pale blue eyes clouded with concern.
“Thanks, I’ll take it under consideration. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I hit anything. I’ll be fine, it’s just been a lot and knowing in about ten minutes I’ll be in Mississippi is not helping much. I didn’t think I’d ever be here again.”
Mellie seals her lips together as she looks at me.
“What?” It’s disconcerting having her try to read my brain.
“I’m just wondering why you feel so strongly about returning. An unhappy childhood shouldn’t elicit this kind of a reaction. At least, I wouldn’t think so, but hey, you’re the medical professional.”
“You’re probably right. I’m going to have to deal with all of this eventually, but not now. For now, we have to find the girls and get them away from those monsters. We agree on that, right?” I ask already knowing she does or she wouldn’t have come to Virginia to find me.
“Of course. That’s always been the plan. I know where they are, at least I’m ninety-nine percent positive. It took a while and I never told a soul before now, but I found the house we were held in. A fluke really. I was visiting my parents when I drove by it, I just knew.” Her breath catches and her pupils dilate with the memory.
“Holy fuck. Really? Why not tell anyone? Maybe this wouldn’t be happening now.” I was both furious and not. In her shoes, I don’t know how I’d react. I can’t even handle the partial truth now without panicking.
“I have been beating myself up over it, trust me. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself that those girls were taken and I came to Norfolk as soon as I found out. He had us for three weeks. These little ones have been missing for four days. I’m praying that we can get them out of there before—” She shudders and closes her eyes for a moment.
“Before what?” Even as I ask, I dread her answer, as goosebumps pop up along my skin. Finding out now is probably the worst thing I can do, or maybe not. Walking in on whatever abuse he’s inflicting on two little girls would be much worse.
Mellie sighs and looks around. I think she’s about to tell me when the pilot announces that the flight crew needs to prepare for landing. I’m simultaneously relieved and angry. My emotions are all over the place. I’m like a hormonal teenager at this point and it sucks. God, if Tony saw me now, he’d lock me up somewhere until this was all over. I’m not sure I’d even object all that much, and what does that say about me?
“We’ll talk on the drive home,” Mellie finally says as she packs away her laptop.
Once we’re on the ground, we make our way to Mellie’s car—or I should say minivan. I can’t help teasing her about being a soccer mom without the soccer kids. It’s a momentary escape from the hard truths I know are coming as soon as we hit the road.
It’s dusk as we pull onto the road and leave the airport in the rearview. I still can’t believe I’m here. It’s been so long. I don’t even know if my parents are alive or dead. They don’t know anything about me either—at least I don’t think so.
I’m trying to decide how to bring it up when Mellie clears her throat.
“Are you sure you want to know everything? There’s nothing wrong with waiting. Maybe work with a therapist to draw all the memories out in a safe space. This isn’t exactly safe for either of us right now.”
“I know. And I’m wrestling with myself over it. I’m terrified of what you’re going to tell me but equally worried that if you don’t and I walk in and he’s hurting those girls I’m going to freeze or worse. I think Ineedto know whether Iwantto know or not. That’s the best way I can explain it right now.”
