We walk toward the lake. We can still be seen from the house, which will ease Alonzo’s nerves a little bit, but I can practicallyfeel his gaze boring into my back with each step from his position on the back terrace, near the pool.
“He thinks I’m going to kill you. Or try to convince you to come back to me.” It’s the first words Mishka says, and it still startles me that I’m hearing his voice again. Older, deeper, but still the voice I remember.
“And is that your plan?”
We stop at the edge, looking out at the lake and mountains in silence for a long moment. It’s not an uncomfortable silence, but I don’t miss the heaviness. So many unspoken things, and so many unknowns between us.
“I always thought about you, you know,” he finally says, turning to face me. The moonlight is still full, lighting his face. “For years, all I could think about was letting you know I was alive, but then he told me that you were glad I was dead. You moved on with your life. He tried to condition me to hate you. He never managed it. When he finally thought I was under his thumb, I started looking into you.”
“When?” I tremble slightly, nervous for the answer.
“You were twenty-two, just about to graduate college with your best friend. I stood there, in the back of the crowd, watching you. Everyone thought I was a custodian, and they barely glanced at me. There you were, smiling, beaming, as you walked across that stage. People cheered for you, and you laughed. I was so fucking proud of you, Rayea. Well, Aurora now, I suppose.”
I swallow hard, emotion thickening in my throat. “I was really happy that day, but when I went home that night, I cried, wishing you were there to see it. You always said that I was smart enough, and that when I was ready, you’d help me get my degree. I did it for myself, but I did it for you.” I swallow hard. “God, I missed you, Mishka. I missed you so much.”
He opens his arms and I step into him, holding him tight. Tears spill from my eyes, wetting his shirt. “I missed you too,solnyshko,” he murmurs. “I missed all the moments we had, and the laughter. In that school, I was older than the rest. I was expected to conform faster, harder. It was…it was hell. That boy, he’s gone.”
I pull away, looking up at him. “He’s not gone,” I correct him fiercely. “He’s not, Mishka. Letting that boy be gone completely, you let him win. You let your father win. Maybe you’re not the same, and neither am I, but we’re done letting them win.”
He gives me a small smile. “Nice to see your sass and bossiness isn’t gone.”
I smirk. “I’m afraid it’s only gotten worse. Blame Sienna, though. She’s the one who taught me everything I know.”
“Liar. We both know you corrupted her.” I chuckle, but I don’t deny it. We lapse into a comfortable silence. Finally, he breaks it, asking, “Are you happy,solnyshko?Truly happy?”
“I’m as happy as I can be, but I’ll be a lot happier knowing you’re alive.” I wince and pull away. “And when I get back and deal with the mess back in New York. I might not be alive much longer after Sienna gets a hold of me.”
“Something tells me you can take care of yourself.” He flicks his gaze back toward the house briefly. “And him? You’re happy? It seems when you first got here you weren’t too happy with him.”
Guess that answers the question if he had put some of the bugs around the house. I sigh. No point in lying now. “We’ve had our issues, but we’ve worked through them. He…he said some things back in New York, and they fucking hurt. Mostly because he was right in a way, and facing that was painful.” I laugh humorlessly. “I was a fucking Russian assassin, right under their noses, and I was living a lie that could get them all killed. But Isaid nothing. He says they’ll forgive me for that, but I’m not all that sure.”
“If they choose not to, that’s their loss, Ray—I mean Aurora.” I grin at his slip. “Gonna take me some time to get used to the name change. Listen, you can’t fix everything, but if it’s too much, you’ll always have a place with me.” I still. “Not as my wife,” he adds, giving me a wry smile. “We were never more than friends, really, and as much as I love you, I don’t want you back as my wife. I don’t want one at all, if I’m being honest.”
I chuckle, unoffended. “Yeah, I get it, but ouch, man, couldn’t you have held back on that blow a little bit? I mean, I was the best wife you could have ever asked for. Isn’t that what you said when I was sixteen? I never wanted to sleep with you, we talked but without ever worrying about a romantic feeling or jealousy, and you got to go and fuck whoever you wanted without having to commit to them.”
A small chuckle, and I feel like I’ve won something. There he is. He’s deep in there, but the Mishka I know is starting to get through the cracks. In time, the best parts of him will be fully back, I just know it.
“You’d definitely be hard to top,” he agrees. “All I want is for you to be happy, Rayea. And right now, that’s who I need you to be, before we go our separate ways.” He cups my chin, looking down at me intensely. “What we had, it was special, and I’ll be grateful for it for the rest of my life. For all intents and purposes, you’ll always be my sister, and if you ever need anything, all you have to do is call me, and I’ll be there. And if you need me, if you need a place to get away, you’ll be welcome with me, no matter where I am or what I’m doing.”
“And I’ll offer the same to you,” I whisper, staring at him. “You’re my family, Mishka, and I don’t want to lose you again.”
“You never have to worry about that.” He drops his hand from my chin and gives me one more hard hug.
When I pull away, I feel steady. Like the ground under my feet has finally settled.
“I still need to know what happened, though, Mishka. Why did they fake your death?”
He sighs. “Jealousy. Mostly from Simeon. He was pissed that you were married to me and not him, since he was the oldest. Or at least offered to him to fuck around with until you’d be married to me. From what I gathered, he was pissed enough that he somehow mentioned to Father that he should have sent me to be trained by the Butcher instead of kept here. Wasn’t it my duty to learn how to protect him for when he became Pakhan and I was his second? It was enough to get Father thinking. A call was made, and I was ambushed that night getting your things. They had it all planned out. A body double was put in place, and no one was the wiser. The casket would be empty when it was lowered, but I was sent to Russia for training to start.”
“All because of Simeon?”
“That and my father was disappointed with you. He thought you’d be hard, not broken and healing. He thought you’d be a killing machine, and while you were good, you were also a woman. He wanted to ask your father for someone else, but that would be an offence. So when Simeon whined to him, it was all that he needed. I was told I wouldn’t be allowed to return until your father decreed.”
“And that was never going to happen if you showed promise.” My heart breaks knowing the horrors he would have had to suffer. The brutal beatings, the mental torture. “Did they…” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“No one ever raped me.” His eyes go cold and hard. “One tried, thinking it was what would finally break me, but I killed him. I knew what you told me, and it fueled my rage, knowing that no one had ever helped you, and you’d been too young and powerless to stop them. It was also the moment your fatherrealized that I had what he was looking for. He told his men to never try it again, but he certainly didn’t stop trying to make me like them.”
“You’ll never be like them.” I’d bet my life on that.
