His expression twists into an angry scowl. “You meanwehave shit to prepare for. You’re not the only one involved in this.”
I give a bitter laugh. “You fucking idiot. You were sent into the lion’s den and you don’t even realize it. Do you really think that the Chameleon wants you to help with this? No, they have their own agenda, and you’re allowing yourself to bemanipulated and used, and eventually, you’re going to be dead. Either by their hands or Ilya’s. He’s not just going to let another criminal syndicate be part of this and live.”
“You think I don’t realize that? This is my fucking job. I do this shit all the time. A little trust would be nice.”
“Trust? You want me to trust you?”
He sighs. “Okay, fine, trust might not be the best word, but?—”
“But nothing. You might deal with shit back home, Alonzo, but this isn’t something you’ve been trained in. Do you know how to spot an assassin? To be ready for whatever they might send your way? They are taught to blend into the shadows, to become someone else. Even without any of that, you’re used to having your brothers, your friends, at your back. There is nothing like that here. You have enemies all around you.”
“Including you?”
The moment the words leave his mouth, I can tell he wants to snatch them back. They’re another slap, but this time, I expect it. This time, I absorb it, and I wrap it around me like a shield.
“Exactly like me.” I cock my head slightly. “You thought that sex with me would purge me from your system. That’s what you said, right? That you regretted it as soon as we were done? Then, after I accepted that, I moved rooms so you wouldn’t have to be tempted by me again. You just had to drive the knife in deeper, didn’t you? Then it was that you didn’t trust me because you thought I was only using you to get in and find out the secrets your family and Nico were hiding, so I could sell those secrets back to the Russians? That I was nothing more than their puppet and not worth your time?”
“Rori, I?—”
“Be quiet, Alonzo. You and I have nothing more to say to each other. I told you more than I should have, and I regret that.” His expression morphs into hurt, with another healthy dose of guilt, and even though I should be happy with it, it only hurts more.“You don’t get to make me fall for you, trust you, and then gut me all in a short span. You certainly don’t get to come running to the rescue when we both know that you’re only doing it to relieve your guilty conscience. So if you know what’s good for you, you’ll take your men and get the hell out of here. Go back to New York or Italy, I don’t care. You and me, we’re done, Alonzo. You killed it before it even started, and depending on how things go, you may never have to worry about me again.”
17
ALONZO
Her words aredaggers to my heart. Pain is sharp, consuming, and I nearly bow over as it spreads. I have no one to blame for it but myself. I did this. I said those things. I was too much of a coward to admit what I was really thinking, feeling. I fell back on what I knew, hiding behind the lies I twisted around in my head.
I want to beg her to listen to me, to let me explain. Let me fix it. Show her that I was an ass, totally wrong, and I didn’t mean a single damn word of it.
Her words, foreshadowing what she’s sure to be her death, fill me with a manic need to prove her wrong. To show her that she’ll never have to worry or fear such a thing happening. I’ll stand in the way. I will protect her. I won’t lose her. Not yet. Not ever.
I stare at her cold expression. There is no regret, hurt, or anger. She looks every bit the assassin she was trained to be. I hate it. This isn’t her. This version of her was who she was, notwho she became, who she forged herself into in all the years away from this bullshit.
I want my Rori back. The Rori who laughed and joked with me and shared things that I was sure that at the time she hadn’t even told Sienna. She trusted me, and I stomped on it. I don’t know what I have to do to fix this, but I’ll do whatever I have to.
I swallow hard, the words bubbling up but not able to pass my lips.
Finally, she blinks, and the coldness is gone. In its place is apathy. “Look, Alonzo, I’ll thank you for the thought of coming after me if you were trying to help, but you are not part of this. If you want to live to find someone else and have the family you’ve always wanted, then this is your chance to leave.”
I wince at the reference of the conversation where I let my walls down. Where I shared things that I held close to the chest, even with my own family. It’s a low blow, but one I deserve. “No, I’m not leaving you, Rori.”
“If you’re staying because you think I’ll forgive you?—”
“I’m staying because I am not going to leave you to fight this alone. Do I want you to forgive me? Of course I fucking do. I was…I was a fucking idiot, Rori. I want to make this right. Make things right with us. But I also don’t want you to face all this bullshit alone. You’ve done everything else alone in your life, and this time, you need to have someone in your corner that you can trust to have your back. Take out all the other stuff, you know I’ll have your back. We’ve been doing it for weeks, and even if it pissed me off, I knew that you were going to be alright.”
“This isn’t like that, Alonzo,” she snaps, exasperated. “You really can’t get that through your head, can you?”
“Maybe the situations aren’t the same, but I am fucking good at what I do, and you know it.”
“I don’t fucking care what you’re good at!” she shouts, some of that apathetic mask finally slipping. Her eyes blaze, her bodyvibrating with it. Hades lets out a low whine of worry, but she quiets him with a gentle pat on his head when he moves close and presses into her side. “I do not want you to be here, Alonzo. So go.”
“I can’t. Tat…umpphhhh.” I land on the floor with a thud, my head slamming off the floor with a loud crack. I see stars, pain bursting, and I try to blink them away quickly. Especially when Rori’s hand slaps hard over my mouth with such force that it makes my face sting. Her mouth is by my ear in an instant.
“Are you trying to get yourself fucking killed, you absolute moron?” she hisses furiously, but careful to keep her voice low. “Do not even dare to utter their fucking name or gender. This entire place is lined with cameras and bugs. Possibly some of theirs. I mean it, Alonzo. The way things are going, it’ll be me snapping your fucking neck at their order for it, and as much as I really don’t like you right now, I don’t want you dead.”
Wait, she doesn’t want me to die? That’s progress.
I give a sharp nod. Yeah, that was a fucking rookie mistake. “Sorry,” I mouth against her palm.
