Chapter 12
Ghosts Of Hookups Past
ZARA
My ears must not be working properly.
It’s the only explanation that makes sense. The ears and throat are connected in some way, right?
Maybe my sore throat is affecting my hearing?
I wish I could convince myself of that, but the look of fear in Chance’s eyes tells me all I need to know.
What Heather just said is the truth.
“You fucked her?” I try my hardest to keep my voice from showing the shock and hurt that are expanding in my chest as I look at my stepbrother. I fail miserably.
“Zara, baby,” Chance tries to take my hand, but I step out of his reach.
Tears well in my eyes, and my voice comes out even scratchier than last night. “You had sex with Heather while we were together? I know I’m not just with you, but this isn’t an open relationship, Chance.”
Maybe it’s unfair, but he agreed that I could be with Lev and Ares. I see our relationship very much as exclusive. I’m with the three of them, and they’re just with me. That’s what we agreed to.
“I didn’t cheat, baby.” There are barely repressed tears in his voice, too. “I hooked up with Heather just once. But it was eighteen months ago. It was Heather’s first birthday without Atlas, and I knew she would be missing him. I took her out to dinner because I thought that my brother wouldn’t have wanted his girlfriend to be sad on her birthday. I never planned to sleep with her. But I don’t even know how to explain it. Our parents were out for a campaign event, and Ares had just moved out. We were alone and so fucking sad.”
I exhale a sigh of relief. Chance didn’t cheat on me.
“It all started with a hug, and before I knew what was happening, we were kissing.” He continues. “I don’t even know what we thought. I guess we were looking for comfort in physical contact, but you have to believe me, baby, it felt wrong the entire time. It felt like we were cheating on my brother, even though you can’t cheat on someone who’s gone.”
Just the idea of Chance with someone else makes me lose my shit. But he’s right. That was before we saw each other again. As far as we both knew back then, we might never have found one another. God knows I had tried to find the guys on social media but to no avail.
I have no right to be mad at Chance, but there’s one thing I need to know. “I get that. Or at least I think I do. But why didn’t you tell me?”
Chance shrugs, but there’s still worry in his dark blue eyes. “I don’t know. Part of me just wants to forget that ever happened. Like I said, it felt like we were betraying Atlas’s memory. On the other hand, you and Heather really hit it off when you moved in, and I didn’t want one past mistake to get between your friendship or between the feelings that resurfaced between us the second we saw each other again. I didn’t mean to lie to you, Zara. You have to believe me.”
You know what? I do believe him.
“Ok.” I say softly. “I get it. It would have been an awkward conversation, and I guess there was no point in telling me if you knew it was never going to happen again.”
The relief on Chance’s face is as clear as day. “Thank fuck, baby. Look, I swear my intention wasn’t to lie. If you want to know about every single hookup I’ve ever had, I can tell you.”
“Fuck, no.” I snort. “It might have been before you and I were a thing, but I still don’t like to think about you with someone else.”
Chance nods. “Ok. But just know that I’m an open book. If you want to know something about my past, just ask.”
“I appreciate that. But now you need to go.” I say, looking at my smartwatch. “If you don’t leave now, you’ll be late for practice.”
“Fuck, you’re right. Coach Harrison will have the team use my balls for target practice if I show up late.”
When he leans in for a kiss, I take an instinctive step back.
“Baby, are you sure we’re ok? I can’t go to practice if you’re mad at me. Coach Harrison be damned, I’ll suffer the consequences later.”
“I’m not mad at you, Chance. I promise.” I say honestly. “I’m just… you’re in a hurry, and I guess I just need a second to wrap my head around this whole thing. Ok?”
Zara
Thankfully, Mom buys the sore throat story and doesn’t questionme keeping a scarf around my neck indoors; she must also think that’s the reason why I’m super quiet at breakfast.
