I stuck the digit into my mouth, tasting the hot metallic tang. I’d done it a hundred times before, but today it felt more obscene. Everything did.
My legs trembled at the memory of the confessional, at the memory of Heinrich’s hands and the warmth of his mouth on my throat. At the memory of the dark look in his eyes.
I shook my head. Yesterday, for the first time in as long as I could remember, I’d missed our morning lessons. Cowardice—there was no other way to describe it. I had been afraid to see him. But what I didn’t know was whether it was because I was afraid of him, or because I was afraid of what I would do if I was alone with him again.
I gathered the chamomile I’d cut, dropping it into my woven basket. The sun beat down on me, and I wiped the sweat gathering at the edge of my bonnet. I hadn’t let my hair down since then either.
Keep to the shadows. Help who you can.
Everything had been turned upside down. Nothing about this was discreet or charitable. It was pure hedonism.
The chapel bells rang the hour—time for today’s lesson. My stomach flipped at the sound. I could skip again, claim duty or illness, but what if Heinrich came looking for me? The thought of him finding me alone in my chamber…
Lead us not into temptation, I prayed silently, though the words felt hollow. I was already so far into temptation I couldn’t see the path back. But I would resist. I did not know what kind of test this was, but I would not fail. Not this time.
It was for his sake. I couldn’t endanger him like that. I’d always had a target on my back; I’d learned to live with it. But to drag him down with me was something I could not stand. It strengthened my resolve.
I would confront him about what had happened, make sure it never happened again.
Besides…I shifted, and the rags I had tied between my legs shifted too, already soaked with blood.No man craves a woman during this time.My courses had come early, perhaps my body’s own defense against my unholy actions.
I rose, wiping my hands on my apron and making my way to the rectory, each step quiet. But when I knocked, no answer came. The door stood slightly ajar. I pushed it open to find the room empty, our usual books absent from the table.
“Heinrich?” My voice echoed in the hollow space.
“In here.” His voice drifted from the chapel. I let out a relieved sigh. Yes, the chapel.Public, nothing could happen there.But my gaze strayed to the confessional along the aisle as I walked toward him.
No.My nails dug into my palms. I would resist temptation for him.
I found him at the altar, cleaning up after morning Mass. He didn’t turn when I entered, but I saw his shoulders tense, knew he was aware of exactly where I stood.
“You missed yesterday’s lesson,” he said mildly, as if this were just a normal day, as if he hadn’t made me come apart with his fingers while I bit my lip bloody trying to stay quiet. As if we hadn’t turned this holy space into something profane.
“I did not know if you wanted to see me.”
“I always want to see you, my dove.” He turned then, and his eyes held the same darkness I’d seen in the confessional, though his expression remained pleasantly neutral. “It’s unfortunate. I had such interesting passages prepared for you.”
“Why are you doing this?” My voice cracked with the question, but I rooted myself to the stone floor. I let the very church itself be my foundation.
He tilted his head. “Doing what?”
“Acting like—like we didn’t…”
It was shocking how quickly the neutrality left his face. He took one step, then another, closing the distance between us in a breath. I put my hands up to stop him, but his arm wrapped around my waist so I couldn’t move away. My fingers curled around the rough wool of his cassock, but I didn’t struggle as the warmth and smell of him enveloped me.
Damn him.No, that was what I was trying to avoid. But then why did it feel so right to be entwined with him like this?
He leaned in so I couldn’t see his face, but I felt his breath on the skin of my neck. “Were you thinking about how it felt? How your body responded to something you’ve been taught to fear?” His lips ghosted over the soft place beneath my jaw, and I squirmed as his grip tightened.
“Heinrich, we can’t.”
He laughed. “More lies. I think you know we very much can.” His teeth grazed my skin until I shivered.
“Stop.”Don’t stop. Oh God, I’d broken immediately.
“But you don’t want me to stop.” His voice dropped lower. “That’s what frightens you. Not me, but yourself. How easily you succumbed to me. How desperately you wanted more.”
His hand traced up my spine, but I found the anger to finallyoverride my desire, and I shoved him back to look him in the eye. “Is this your idea of a lesson? To torment me with my weakness?”
