His mind was playing tricks. He was longing for home and the family ranch. Where life consisted of cow musters, branding, insemination and calves being born. The home he grew up in, in Hunt Texas, was as far away from him right now as it had always been.
He looked where the voice was coming from, but he couldn’t make her out clearly. She didn’t look like anyone he knew.
What the hell was happening to him?
This time he tugged his hands harder and she instantly let go. “I need to get back to the surgical tent. I’m sure there are others that need attending to.”
“No, it’s okay. Someone else has taken over for you. You can relax now.”
Why was this person insisting he shouldn’t go back to do his job? He couldn’t let them do that to him. As much as he hated it now, he had a job to do. A job that was sucking the life out of him.
“I don’t know who you are. Or what you’re doing, but I don’t like you keeping me from where I need to be.” His already frayed nerves unraveled even more, like the end of his surgical mask cord. He clasped his hands before starting to wring them again. He couldn’t stop the way he swayed from side to side. Something was terribly wrong with him. He knew it but he didn’t know how to fix it. “I have to go now. I can’t stay and talk when peo?—”
He’d turned his head and collided with warm lips pressed against his, stopping the flow of words. They were soft and supple and he’d never felt anything like them before. He could taste the faint traces of barbeque sauce.
As if being sucked through a vortex, clarity set into Mitch’s mind. His eyes focused and his surroundings began to take shape. The face inches from his was beautiful, but one he didn’t recognize.
He wrenched his lips away from her sweetness and took two steps back. His chest rising and falling as he tried to make sense of why a stranger was kissing him. Looking around he could see that they were both a fair distance away from the mass of people attending the community event.
How did I get here?
He didn’t even remember walking away. The more he studied the woman standing three feet away from him, the more he recognized her. She’d been at the other end of the table where he’d sat to eat. Her pink hat had caught his eye along with the hint of uneasiness that seemed to float around her. He’d also caught her looking at him every now and then. She was lovely to look at and her smile had touched him deep in his belly, unlike any of the smiles from the other women who sat at the table.
“You work with Eric, don’t you?”
Her teeth worried her bottom lip but she nodded. He expected her to elaborate more but when she kept quiet, he pushed for a couple more answers.
“Why are we standing way out here? And why were we kissing?”
She ran her fingers through her long dark curls, getting stuck every now and then when she hit a snag. “You don’t remember, do you?”
Five little words and his stomach sank to the bottom of his cowboy boots. “Fuck,” he muttered. He’d had another attack, right in the middle of the fucking town event. Right in front of everyone.
Mitch looked around again and at the edge of where the dance floor was, stood Gene, his hands on his hips, watching him intently. Maybe his attack hadn’t been unobserved after all.
“It’s okay Mitch, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
God, how many times had he heard that? Too many to count. Women he’d tried to date since his return from overseas had told him it was okay when he’d spaced out on them. But when he’d tried to arrange for another date, there always seemed to be some reason they couldn’t meet him. Eventually he came to the conclusion that his attacks scared them and they didn’t want to be around him.
Why would this woman be any different?
It hit him then, she worked with Eric at the medical center. Was she a psychologist? If so, he didn’t think he liked the idea that she would go around kissing patients all the time. It went against every part of the Hippocratic Oath they took to be a doctor.
Suddenly he didn’t want to know why they’d been kissing. At least he’d gotten an answer to the reason why they were standing away from everyone. “Look, I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but I’m not interested. And I especially don’t want to become someone’s pet project.” He took a breath trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. “You can go back to the party. I don’t need you.”
His words were harsh and at the flash of hurt in her eyes, he experienced a momentary stab of remorse. Mitch shoved it aside. All he wanted was to be alone. He needed time to deal with his attack. Why it had happened? From memory there hadn’t been any loud bangs, which sometimes had the ability to set him off, but not often.
“I’m not sure if leaving you alone is a good idea. Can I get somebody for you?”
“No.” He slashed the air with his hand. “Just go. As I said I don’t need you to try any of your psycho-babble on me. Any psychologist that kisses a patient isn’t one I want to be around.”
If he thought his words were going to cut her or hurt her like his earlier comments did, he was very wrong. Her brown eyes flashed fire at him and she stuck her hands on her hips.
“I’ll have you know I’m not a psychologist, but I am a doctor. And I recognize the signs of a PTSD attack when I see them. I also recognize a fool when I see one and that’s you, Mitch. You need help but like most men, you don’t want to accept you have problems that you can’t solve on your own. So regardless of you thinking you don’t need anybody, I’m going to send one of the guys from your team over here and then you’ll never have to see me again.”
She marched past him and he caught a hint of coconut in the air. If he wasn’t a shell of the person he used to be he may have pursued her. But he was never going to be the man he was before and any hope of a relationship and happy ever after was over.
It would be better if he spent his life alone.
